Kids these days. They like to listen to their iPods or cell
phones with music in them and shut them selves to the world. I once won an iPad
mini in a contest. The moment they announced a contest in one of the jaunts, I knew
that iPad was mine. I went home and Jasmine did not want the mini and Jispa preferred
a portable iPod. So we went to our neighborhood shop and exchanged the same for
an iPod.
Jispa hardly ever gets her iPod to play with. We don’t let
her play too much on it and we don’t let her listen too much music on it. We
are really bad ass parents. Seriously I think we are irritating but I think
with only one kid we want all the time we get with the kid to be great and
hence we are scared of losing her to the device. But still I think she gets
some time with it. Especially vacations. Plus we have another issue. We don’t have
too much music. At least not the music that a teenager would want to listen to,
to load onto the iPod. So after a point of time, there was not much use for the
iPod as such.
Jispa kept wondering how to get her music. I told her to get
it loaded in by her cousin brother. That’s where you get all your vice in life
from – cousins. Also Jispa said she wanted new headphones. I for one, couldn’t understand
why would she want headphones. She has the great ones that come with the iPod
from Apple. These are phenomenal in ear ones with superior design and
engineering. She gave some answer which I refused to even listen – but yes I understood
– the kid wants new headphones – the ones that all kids end up wearing. I think
it’s fashionable to have these big ones on your head. You see them at all the
swim meets. That’s the new cool. Of course Jispa believes that she wants them
as the in-ear ones hurt her ears and that fashion has nothing to do with it.
Who was I to judge.
So I promised her that once she gets her songs, I will buy
her a head set. After she got her songs loaded, I started scouting around for
decent headsets. I had weird problems to content with. These headsets can get
really expensive. I don’t mind getting her one but then managing them and ensuring
you don’t forget them anywhere and then taking care of them etc would have been
a huge issue. So expensive ones
area problem, especially if you have
anal parents. I prefer giving her something that I don’t mind her losing so
that I don’t lose my mind. Second – the big bulky ones with cover her ear completely
and will block out all noise. That’s another problem. Remember what I said – we
don’t want to lose her completely. So if we give her something that will block
out all noise, it would create another set of issues from a parents point of
view. Now for Jispa’s point of view – I can’t give her something that’s not
cool. No shitty brands would help. Kids look at each other and are hugely
influenced by the brands. I am quite sure that a 13 year old can make out the differences
between different headsets if not for the brands. Also the headsets with the right
brands look cool on the head! So now we have the variables – over the head
earphones, nice brand, cool design, relatively cheap, not completely covering the
ear. And voila – here you are the amazing JBL headphones costing two thousand
bucks available at flipkart for 700 bucks. Light weight, decent brand and not
too big. They look cool as well.
When I gave Jispa the surprise…. When she saw the ear phones
– she smiled. Wow getting your teenage to smile after you get her stuff – that was
priceless. Feeling happy and not broke after your teenage daughter smiles –
better than priceless!
Jispa is turning 13 and with that she is also turning into a
monster that I have no clue on how to control. But the hell… why should a
parent even be controlling anything about a child. It’s just not right. I don’t
think as parents we really know what is in the best interest of the child. Of course
we know some stuff from experience that we know is dangerous – like smoking
kills or that liquor is something that’s not really advisable or weed is bad. But
most of the other stuff – we have no clue. We think we do… we believe we do but
really – we don’t. Hell we don’t even know what the hell we want from our lives
– yet we try and control a lot for our children – I don’t understand why we do
it. Today I fight…. Almost every day I fight myself. There are certain dos and don’ts
that I would try and implement. Besides that I try and fight the need to bear
over her and try my best to let her be. Of course mommy is right. The more you
let her be the more she will get into trouble that she herself doesn’t want to.
But then isn’t the role of parents to stop her from getting into trouble versus
the role of growing up is to get into trouble all the time and then figuring out
two things. How not to get into trouble in the first place then figuring out how
to get out of it, once you have gotten into it. This is the weird dichotomy of
parenting. We don’t know. I think we naturally think we are good at stopping
trouble and we don’t realize that stopping trouble now is inviting trouble
later on. So what’s the right answer? In parenting there is possibly no right
answer. You invent things as you get along. Especially if you have one child…. There
are no mistakes to learn from. Just simple
stuff that you think you would have loved to have as a child and the stuff you don’t
want or want to have for your children. In many ways that is simple parenting.
I want Jispa to be free… I want her to say that in someday
that she is what is … thanks to herself and not thanks to anyone – not her dad,
not her mom not anyone else…and definitely not God. She has to be like the apocryphal
story of Napolean who on coronation – lifted the crown from the hand of the
Pope and crowned himself – saying that none me is fit to crown myself. In many
showing that he owed his entire rise to himself and to no one else. I have had
many mentors in my life. I have a learnt a lot from so many people. Not all tried
to teach me, but the simple act of observation has helped me more than anything
else. I am so happy that my dad never could pick up the phone and get me going
on anything. He also passed away way before I could really use his help. My
college my girlfriend (now wife) my job and I dug my own mentors from those
around me.
So all that I have or don’t - is thanks to me. At my death
bed I have myself to blame or thank. Of course Jasmine has helped me achieve
whatever I could have or couldn’t have (you have to take both). But at the end –
I have realized – you are alone. You stand alone – you die alone. The faster
you realize that the better you are. It’s like the story of Valmiki who wrote the
Ramayana – he takes to being a ascetic when he realizes that his family refuses
to take his share of sins as your sins are yours and you have to bear the consequences
of them. In many ways sins are the metaphors for your decisions. You have to
bear them yourself. Others have their own to bear.
In the years that I have worked or taught – I see that many
times – in fact I feel most of the time – parents are wrong. After a point of
time they can’t really tell you what to do in life. I think all advice is
stupid. People have to decide what they want to do for their own. Your children,
my child has to decide for herself on what to do. What can I do? I can advise, I
can guide, I can push, I can convince – but do I really know what’s right… no I
don’t. Experience will tell me something – something that tells me that the
process of decision making may not be right – but it doesn’t tell me if the decision
is right or wrong. To add to this – we don’t believe that quitting is the right
option.
Right now Jispa is swimming. Realistically – she is not a
great swimmer. She is a good swimmer, but I don’t think she would be counted as
amongst the great swimmers. She finds it tough to break in to the state team.
She does well to represent Mumbai. Now what’s the right thing for her? One of
her seniors from another club was applying to American Universities. The university
looked at all the certificates of the national champion and kept them aside and
asked for her timings. Her timings were nowhere the ones desired by the
University… so now what? Apply of academic merit. That’s all. Jasmine and I
were thinking about this since some time. What the hell should Jispa be doing?
He swimming regime is tough and her school regime is now going to get really
tough. Academic excellence is something that will give her choice on what to
follow in her years to come – not swimming. Indian Swimmers are nowhere on any
stage. They have no careers and they can barely earn enough to make ends meet
from swimming. It’s not an independent profession. In any case that’s hardly a
choice to be made for now. Sure she can always be a sports led profession here
she can use her swimming knowledge to great advantage but it still require s a
decent academic grounding. So we thought that we let her swim this year and
then the next year she focusses on studies while swimming just enough to enjoy
and not really to break through. In any case she has to now trust her coach and
really improve in this year.
Jasmine and I are tired parents. It has been really tough. Thanks
to Jispa’s swimming we have made some crazy number of sacrifices. Waking up is
the least of them. The Sundays spent at swim meet, the nutrition, the holidays
foregone etc. we have had some great returns but physically / mentally we are
done. Right now I am concentrating on something simpler – what does Jispa do
next year, in three years and then in five years from now. I am glad that Jispa
has no clue what she wants to do. Right now she says that she doesn’t want to
be a doctor or an engineer. Her subject she likes are Geography and History. I
love that. I would imagine having a child who wants to be an engineer… yuck! So
we have to figure a lot of things for her. Actually see – that’s exactly what a
dad says but shouldn’t. Why “we” figure what to do. She has to figure what to
do. I should be only a sounding board… an absorbent as well as a reflective
material at the same time. Hopefully she will figure.
On this here are two videos that I came across – very interesting
ones. Believe me – they are right. see them!
Both are amazing characters who do really well on youtube
End game - One of our friends is an amazing gentleman form
Denmark. He was telling me that his son was a really good tennis player and he
took him to London to train at the Wimbledon. His son played a few matches
there and just wanted to give up Tennis and then just did not want to play
anymore and wanted to come back home. His mom said – fine – come over and you
need to study there or train there if you don’t want to. Today after many years
– his son says – you should have pushed me then.
I was explaining to some guys from my team that as a
child my unhappiest memories are when we shifted from Dubai to Mumbai when I was
in the fourth grade. We went from a land of everything to a land of nothing. It
was just so trying on us kids.
It was made even worse as we as kids saw a side of our
cousins which was different. In any case we weren’t so dam close. We stayed far
away and came to India once a year for two months. At the time, coming to India
from Dubai, you were royalty. You were the guys with all the foreign stuff that
you gifted or stuff you brought on request. The bags would open and that would
be a lovely thing as everyone would crowd around. When I grew up I made it a
point not be around when bags open. When Jasmine’s brother or aunt would come
in from US, I would be doubly sure not to be in the same room. I don’t want to
be that person wanting something from abroad. Of course, India too has changed
a lot. We have a lot here that we can get and we too got a bit richer than what
we were and hence can afford it without being gifted – but still – no hanging
around in anticipation. I don’t like it.
To add to that I think a little bit of political play
happened. We would come and stay at our grand mom place – my Mom’s mom. She was
extremely rich and my grand dad was a self-made millionaire with two buildings
and a factory that printed labels. My granddad passed away many years before I was
born. In fact he passed away before my mom and dad were married. The family steadily
went into decline from then on. We were still rich, the factory was managed but
the brothers couldn’t get along and slowly – nothing was really happening. So
by then it was a household that was rich – but the fighting was slowly being
brought to center stage. Then my grand mom contracted cancer. That was a bloody
blow. That was the final hinge in the family door coming loose.
I think a wave on insecurity passed around the cousins. I
was too small but in hindsight and from some of the conversations that I heard
later, I realized that it just dint do too good for the family. In that
atmosphere, I came in to Mumbai to settle down. Dad took another year and mom
shuttled a bit.
Suddenly as I was telling them this story it struck me
that in my office and in my own team the same is true. Around a month back I announced
to the team that I was leaving. At first it was shock followed a little sadness
and soon enough - given time – cracks started surfacing. Insecurity is such a
big thing in our heads. People started bitching, back biting, started wondering
about their roles, their future – power struggles started and funny things
started happening. I am so upset with all this.
In many ways this is no different than the death of my
grand mom. Here too a person is going with notice period. Here I can’t even
settle the affairs completely as I would have wanted to. I don’t know whom I am
handing over the stuff to. This uncertainty is what driving my office kids
nuts. I hate how some of them have behaved and how they have easily declared
war and how they decided to make space for themselves. The spoils are there for
eating and to wait is to end up being late. So make your move.
All insecure people have a standard ploy – they build
allies with others. Typically other insecure or weak people. They create
trouble by building teams of us versus them.
They feed off each others insecurities or rather feed into each other’s
insecurities. They waste their time and effort in trying to plot, plan and
gather as much as they can for their own clan. This is a self- killing spiral. Of
course it works well in many cases. Especially when the person on top is also
insecure. Then he likes all these jokers. In fact many bosses I know like their
kids to be insecure. They like it if they fight off each other. In secure
people never ever build long term allies. They are busy plotting and scheming
all the time that they don’t see anyone as full time allies. Their enemies are
other insecure people and funnily – other extremely secure people. They can’t
understand why anyone can be really secure. They think these secure people are
put on and are not genuine. That makes them even more prone to plotting against
them.
It’s a vicious circle. I see this everywhere… even
amongst kids and adults alike. Cliques and gangs are built. The only real
remedy is to stay away from these. There is no hope for them and there is no
hope for you with them. As I have said before – even listening to them is
damaging for yourself.
At 40 I learn new lessons. People are like this all the
time. I give out a lot of love with my kids at office. But some of them love
you back and some of them just create more issues for you. some have not really
loved you but have only used your love to get themselves more secure. And as
you leave they search for security elsewhere. Bah!
“Over the years,
ridership on the Brihanmumbai Electric Supply and Transport (BEST) buses has
decreased, and slipped further down in February, possibly due to the fare hike.
With yet another round of increase in fares slated to come into force from
Wednesday, the clientele can only get thinner, say experts.How many passengers
has BEST lost over past 2 months? As per transport figures for the months of
January and February, around 3 lakh passengers stopped using the public
transport to their destinations. The data show that in January this year, a
total of 35.77 lakh passengers were ferried by BEST buses daily to various
corners of Mumbai and even outside city limits.”
Mumbai has a bus service that was once its pride. The BEST
service. It was a funny amalgamation of an electric supply company and a Bus
service. The name is actually – Bombay Electric Supply and Transport – hence BEST.
To start with I have no clue why an electric utility company and the bus
transport company must be merged into one. They have no obvious synergies in management
or in supply of raw materials. It’s not like the bus service run electric busses.
I think this was a legacy of the Trams which ran on electricity as I could
understand from this pargraphs.
“The Bombay Tramway
Company Limited was formally set up in 1873. The Mumbai Municipality was given
the right to buy up the concern after the first 25 years or after every period
of 7 years thereafter. After this contract was entered into between the Bombay
Tramway Company and the Municipality, the Government of Mumbai enacted the
Bombay Tramways Act, 1874, under which the Company was licenced to run a
tramway service in the city. The tram-cars were of two kinds-those drawn by one
horse and those drawn by two. In 1905, a newly formed concern, “The Bombay
Electric Supply & Tramways Company Limited?bought the Bombay Tramway
Company and the first electrically operated tram-car appeared on Mumbai’s roads
in 1907. The passing years aggravated the problem of rush-hour traffic and to
ease the situation, double decker trams were introduced in September, 1920.
Mumbai saw its first
bus run on 15th July, 1926. The people of Mumbai received the bus with
enthusiasm, but it took quite sometime before this means of conveyance really
established itself. For several years, it was looked upon as transport for the
upper middle classes. Those were the days when the tram was the poor man’s
transport, carried one all the way from Sassoon Dock to Dadar for a mere anna
and a half, that was nine paise. The bus fare for the same journey was four
annas, that is 25 paise.
…..
As regards BEST’s
electric supply side, in the year 1905, the B.E.S.& T Co.Ltd., commenced
the supply of electrical energy by erecting its own generating station with a
total capacity of 4,300 KW. This was later abandoned in favour of a station of
larger capacity constructed in 1912 at Kussara Basin. This station was closed
down in 1925, after which all the Company’s requirements were obtained in bulk
from M/s. Tata Hydro Electric Power Supply Co.Ltd, With the growth of the
electrical distribution system, difficulties were experienced in the
maintenance of the electrical pressure within the prescribed statutory limits.
The Company than decided to establish two High Voltage Receiving Stations at
Grant Road, and Apollo where large bulk supply transformers provided with
on-load tap changing equipment had to be installed for maintaining regulated
voltage at the consumer’s premises. These two new stations were, however,
actually commissioned in 1949, i.e. after the B.E.S. & T Co.Ltd., was
acquired by the Municipal Corporation.”
So fundamentally a transport company and an electric supply
company being one is an anachronism that has no relevance in the present – but who
knows – twenty or thirty years hence when electric vehicles become a reality –
this may well be back in fashion. The proponents of the electric car often cite
that the gasoline fueled car simply lost a temporary race in the early 1900’s
and this century will only see its rise.
But still – I grew up wondering what BEST meant I remember
still finding it very odd that the two were in one company. But hell. The BEST
services haven’t improved one bit ever since I was a kid. It’s the same buses
and the same conductors. Only the tickets changed. Now the conductor gives you
a thermal paper ticket as opposed to the paper tickets of the era gone by. The
crowd is crazy, the services are erratic – the bus routes are not clear and
nothing really works well. Obviously the service is making losses. They introduced
AC services at the start but only on certain routes. At first they had these
stupid buses which looked like outstation travel buses. Then they moved on to
nicer buses but these very severely limited. The majority of the buses in
operation seem the same from when I wa s achild. To my mind they haven’t moved
anywhere in the last 35 years. The iconic double decker made its exit but
nothing else.
A transport company must understand its relevance every few
years or so and must make adjustments accordingly. There is no point having
large buses running through the day when you clearly have peak and off peak
hours. The city earlier was very clearly structured on the north south axis. The
buses simply had to go up and down. The business district was in the south and
the suburbs were in the north with a large middle class working in the mills
and staying in its vicinity in the centre. The bus routes were infinitely less
complex. Now the complexity of the city has ensured that the conventional
routes won’t work. I remember when Bhakti Park where I stay was coming up. It
is in the middle of nowhere with almost no civilization three kms in either
direction. Why would anyone live there?
But slowly the infrastructure came up. I remember my friends who were
early adopters of the area making representations to the transport undertaking
to start services. The service assured them that service would start if a
certain threshold level of population comes in. That is a classical chicken and
egg. But the BEST played dumb. They should have had smaller buses in operation
with higher frequencies in the morning and evening. These need to be the simple
feeder routes that simply took people and pushed them to the big bus stops or
stations where people could hop off and hop on to their bigger buses which took
them to their offices. The city was expanding on the east west axis and the bus
services were not keeping pace. Why should the service not have efficient bus
services with 20 seaters or even lower. The taxi guys started the share a cab
services but they too are notoriously bad and are available only in certain
places. The transport authority was best placed to handle this.
Also they don’t need to look too further to improve their
services. They simply need to follow the UBER model and fit their buses with a
smart phone. Now people will know exactly where their bus is and figure the
best time to leave home to reach the bus stop to reach their destination. It
can also give expected delays and journey times. There is an inordinately long
time that people wait for their bus – that can simply be cut off.
A simple mapping of people’s journeys and traffic patterns
can render a lot of data on making these routes efficient. But the EBST is
working with its head in the sand. Right now they have resorted to really
stupid measures like putting up posters and urging people to use their
services. What a bum head. People will use services that people value. Period.
Increase value.
Uptill now all it did was believe it was a monopoly and then
it behaved like one. Bad service, bad route planning, bad conductors, bad buses
and a complete mismanagement of crowd. Nobody likes a BEST bus on the road. They
behave like bullies and I have been on the receiving end quite a few times.
My other favorite solution was that instead of putting so
much money on bridges, we should have simply put money on making the bus service
air-conditioned and subsidized that and slowly removed that subsidy. As of now
the bridges are so ill designed and one after the other that that most buses don’t
ply on them. And the road under the bridges are really narrow especially to make
space for the landing and take off that you often find jams near there. This
just compounds matters.
Simply put – the BEST must change itself if it has to stay
relevant. Mumbai took great pride in having an efficient bus and train service.
But this is now not the case. We have not kept pace with the changing needs,
trends and technologies and now risk being irrelevant. The city, I see is
dying. It is imploding under its own weight and gravity – like a fading star. It
will suck inside all – into its black nothingness. This is the death, unless we
see some serious innovations.
Here – complete unrelated music… but I love the song… Jispa loves the movies
and the books.
The more I think about it and the more experiences I have in
life, I get that one thing my brother about Delhi Station is true about life in
general.
Delhi Station is a mad place. You get off and you are accosted
by touts of all types of slime and sleaze. Everyone wants to thug you and you can’t
get a decent conversation happening with anyone. In fact what conversation,
asking someone for directions itself can be very stressful and crazy. Many
years ago we landed at Delhi station and we were told to move to the rail yatri
nivas to stay. As a family we got down and started wondering where to go. A
tout just kept talking to my dad and then finally showed us a few hotel pics
and booked us a hotel to stay in. this was on the return leg of our journey.
Dad thought he was booking us a good hotel. Needless to say – the experience wasn’t that
great. We had booked two rooms and the AC from one was flowing to the other via
a duct made and other such weird stuff. Those days there was no internet and we
don’t hear about the Lonely Planet and there were defiantly no Trip advisor. So
choosing where to stay and where to go and what to do was one hell of a
nightmare. Before you go anywhere, you have to ask people where they went,
think of an itinery that was largely based on theirs and the hotel that they
went to. People would have records of hotels and rooms and the phone numbers of
the hotels they stayed in. this was very valuable information. The agents were essentially
people who could arbitrage on the knowledge of hotel names and numbers. That was
all. Things have moved up quite a bit. Now people know where to go and what to
see from searching the internet. Jasmine and I came up with our own formula…
Lonely Planet plus internet. Curation plus peer discovery! This has worked for
us. And GPS… the bets thing is that now you know exactly where you are. When I was
selling the Backberry concept to my brother in law – I showed him GPS. Now in a
train, you don’t need to look out of the window or ask someone where you were. You
simply opened your cellphone and you knew if your station is coming or is far
away. This is especially useful if you are waking up in the middle of the night
for your station and are wondering if the train is late or which station just
passed!
Cut to my brother’s experience – he once alighted at Delhi
station and refused to talk to the touts. He was making a beeline for the tourist office. On the way the tout
kept following him talking all the time. And then at one point the tout just
said ‘look, the office is shut’. My brother lifted his head and sure enough there
was a board of the tourist office and it was shut. I don’t know afterwards what really happened
but my brother then realized that the tout was pointing out to the wrong office
which had moved. That’s when told me – in Delhi station – you should not even
listen to the touts. Even listening is a crime.
I find this real in office as well. There are some real bad
ass guys. People who gossip and spread evil vile around them. Even talking to
them is a crime. They slowly make you believe that they are on your side, they gain
your trust and confidence and then pass on gossip to you…. and then, they
POISON your mind. Such people must be avoided no matter how sweet they sound or
how nice a company they are. They give you the juiciest gossip but at the same
time are the ones who will not hesitate
to use your name or you as a target of their gossip. Even listening to
them is a crime. Hanging around, talking or texting or anything with them will
only poison your mind. These guys are slow boa constrictors. These are available
all around you. I keep telling Jispa that in school or in class or at the pool,
these people must be avoided. After I have realized this and I preach it to all
I care about, I have been seeing more of this. Positive nice people fill your
mind with positivity. They help you think and take right calls and make better
decisions. The bad ones, they figure out a way to co-opt you in their plan.
They have sinister plans and then squeeze you in their plan. Without knowing so
you are involved and a part of their support group and boom – there goes your
credibility.
I have learnt over a period of time to simply not listen,
avoid and if unavoidable – not encourage the conversation. And when they co opt
you, it takes effort but there is no shame in saying, Sorry yaar – I am part of
this. I disagree or nopes… I don’t care about this. At first it’s so difficult
for nice guys to do any of this, but if you value your credibility and your
sanity, you will disagree. Its then very easy to simply say no and weasel out.
Avoid them like plague.
I was walking behind the office when I stopped to click this
pic.
My colleague asked me what I was clicking – the Indian flag?
Nopes. That’s just one of it. This photo has much more meaning than that. It is
a long essay. You see the Indian Flag. It is on top of a defunct government
company called the National Bicycle Corporation. The government post-independence
set up the pillars or the temples of modern India in the form of state owned
PSUs. These PSUs were all well-meaning but failed miserably to improve the
quality of the Indian populace. They produced far less than the demand. Everything was controlled. The state
believed that they needed to control everything and all the resources so that
they could efficiently allocate it all. As if it followed a neat mathematical
model. That’s why waiting lists of a car were more than 5-6 years. Even
scooters had hude waiting lists. The government produced stuff was of low
quality and that of the limited private sector was too high on quality as well.
Bajaj scooters was the largest in the country and he had a simple problem – he just
couldn’t produce enough to fulfill demand. The shoddy scooters would often have
a problem in starting. In fact people joked that they were made with tilt
technology – you had to tilt them to get them to start. That way the petrol
would get into the starter mechanism or something. But basically the Nehruvian
dream of a well-planned state failed miserably. These dead buildings stand as a
testimony to this.
On top of this dead building is the Indian flag. I guess
there is enough budget or there must be an allocation of sorts for a flag that
flies every day. There is no money to even repair the derelict building or the
broken windows. In fact the broken windows story made famous by Malcolm
Gladwell should make for an interesting reference point. The flag and the building
make for this interesting contrast and tell a tale of corruption, lack of
incentive, failure of planning and failure of ideals imposed.
In contrast what you see behind is the failure and success
of a liberal economy. The success is simpler to see. These big massive
buildings were only possible thanks to an increase in demand that liberalization
through to India. Private builders can come in and get in modern technology to
build these massive marvels of engineering. These are not your simple
structure. They are designed differently so that they are abel to take in the
load, wind etc while giving maximum space to the realtor for sale. Even
dreaming of these massive buildings are now possible – in the old era, there
was a cement ministry. CEMENT…why would you ever need a minister in the Union
Cabinet to regulate something as base as Cement. But that shows – how much
cement was important in building Indian and how less of it we were producing. I
remember growing up and people talking about cement scams and bridges falling
down. In fact the iconic movie – Jaane bho do yarron was all about a bridge
that was a source of scams and the dam thing falling. And these massive
buildings are also possible thanks to another development. The Slum Rehabilitation
Act. Here the builders are allowed to rehabilitate the slums in buildings he
builds and then in the leftover land he can build massive towers with some
crazy FSI (the amount of floor space he can make and sell). So this is
transforming the landscape. At first the socialist side of India allowed these
slums and squatters to come up and occupy land and now we have this gargantuan
problem that we have solved using the ultimate capitalist idea. But on the
other hand this has given rise to the ultimate scrooge of Capitalism – Crony Capitalism.
“Crony capitalism is a term describing an
economy in which success in business depends on close relationships between
business people and government officials. It may be exhibited by favoritism in
the distribution of legal permits, government grants, special tax breaks, or
other forms of state interventionism.” Possibly the most hated business in Mumbai
would be the builder community. Besides being seen as a goon that over promises
and under delivers, the buyers worry whenever someone is buying a flat is that
how legit is the dam thing, even as it’s being built. There are many cases of the building being
built and then the government coming in to say that the dam thing must be
demolished. Sometimes this can even take 20 years. The other one is the game on
FSI. Earlier before the rules straightened out there were weird rules of FSI
allowed. Things like parking or open refuge areas did not take up FSI. There were
weird cases of builders giving car parks to all residents outside their house
one their floors. Yes you read it right – you had a parking outside your house
irrespective of the floor you stayed on. Even if you were on the tenth floor. Basically
you get the plan passed and then you let the residents do what they want. Like
convert that massive space into a living room. Or show awnings outside the
house but build them using concrete so that the residents then use it as a
gallery. Real stupid stuff, using stupid rules against the system itself.
But at least a few things are happening. The construction is
happening on an advanced level with professionals as opposed to ill trained
contractors. Better safety of workers with a lot of workers wearing proper
clothing and protection and modern equipment like cranes and lifts. The construction
site does seem far more organized, clean and process oriented. At least more
than what it used to be.
So I like the shot of the old derelict PSU with the New
Indian Flag in a case of misplaced jingoism, with two massive buildings coming
up in the background which are done under the Slum Rehab Scheme with a
professional private contractor doing what looks like a good job! What a story
in one picture.
After having a shower you are supposed to wipe the floor.
Now this was something my dad used to tell me and make us do. He said you guys
should have been in UK. There he said it was very clear - people were expected to wipe after they
shower. Wipe after a shower was when I was growing up quite a menial thing to
do and we did not like it. Who would take a cloth and wipe it. Till one day we
got a mop. These mops were the nice ones that came with a rubber blade. Now wiping became an easy thing
to do. Then on I started getting ballistic on the dam thing. everytime I had a
bath I would really look forward to the wiping thing. I still do the same
thing. I take great pleasure in wiping the bathroom really clean after a bath. I
start from the corners and keep wiping till almost every part of the floor is
dry. That’s the same thing I do even
when the servant is on leave. I love mopping the floor. It’s an amazing thing
to do. And I love the fact that the tiles are neat squares. So I can go from
one line to another… cleaning in straight lines and not missing a spot. And
then I take great pride in ensuring either a dry bathroom or a clean floor.
This is the same thing when I have to wash vessels, or wipe
them or even make a sandwich. I keep telling Jispa that even when you make a
sandwich you have to take great pride in making it. So I like making a really neat
sandwich which is decorated. Plating a sandwich is an amazing fun thing to do.
Having meaning in life is so bloody important. I think I am
crazy that I try and find meaning in everything I do. I think if I don’t find
meaning then I would be reduced to a vegetable. I find joy in doing things that
have meaning and purpose. If there isn’t any then I try and invent something
with meaning or invent meaning in something I do. Meaning is very important to
me. So when I swam I saw meaning in it, ditto for badminton or cricket or
running or yoga or stretching. Everything can have meaning. This dam blog has
much more meaning than almost anything else I do. Reading has meaning for me as
well. Hence I have found it very difficult to read fiction, it just loses a lot
of meaning. So even a badly written non-fiction in many ways has more meaning
for me.
Which comes to my current job. I have had a chekered job
history with many job changes but somehow I have stayed at this place for now an
unbroken stint of eleven years and a total of 14 years. When I look back at all
my years – I have always done well when I have found meaning. Even in silly
jobs I have found some meaning. Sometimes the meaning is the way to add value
to what you do and raising the bar unnecessarily. Like when I was in wealth management. I had a
very cushy job and I was paid well. It was a great time. That time I raised the
bar on handling events and gave a lot of stress to my team. After many years I apologized
to them and felt bad that I was tough on them, but it still was the right thing
to do. You have a shitty job at worst and at best a job that doesn’t challenge
you enough… and if you simply just go
through the motions then how will you move ahead. If you don’t push the
boundaries in whatever you do then you will not add value to yourself or to
your profile.
In all this the question is when to draw the line. Sometimes
pushing the bar on so many things can kill you. People do not realize what you
are doing. There are things you have to just let go of and things that you have
to focus on. The problem is when you get to work with people who don’t share the
same passion and excitement and the will to push the bar the same way as you
do. Then what do you do? Do you let go or do you push people till they break or
they mend. These are difficult questions to ask and difficult to implement.
Just because I like
wiping the bathroom clean and like a squeaky floor, does it mean that Jasmine
and Jispa do it as well? Oh boy….
You see the wiring inside the block that I am holding. Those
are the Led lights. They are not there. I mean you see them but they do not
exist. Confused? Welcome to office systems, processes and politics.
I like this as a telling example of what shit goes around in
offices. When this office was being made the business head came to me to design
something interesting as the name plate for the office. So I suggested metal
cut letters ona wooden background. Then the business head wanted something even
more interesting – so I suggested that we put LED lights under the letters and
then allow for a teeny space between the letters and the wood so that they have
a background glow. Whatever the business head wants – we give – no matter how
ugly or kitsch it may be.
But the admin guy forgot to tell the carpenter that Led lights
will be there and therefore he did not keep a provision for the lights and
hence the electric connection. The option was to have a new veneer or have a
cut in the existing veneer. The new option was expensive and the cut was ugly
so we abandoned the light idea. But the admin guy did not tell the block guy so
he delivered the blocks with the lights. So now we have the blocks with the lights
but no connection to switch on the lights. When the bill came up for processing
the admin guy refused to pass the bill with the lights. He reasoning was simple
– if the bill ever came up for question, somebody would ask – where are the lights – please switch them on and he
would be unable to do so. So the lights as far as he was concerned were not
there. So he passes the bill without the lights. The poor vendor wonders – I did
as I was told. But finally he was not paid. Of course he was a regular vendor
and he will manage and will make his money from somewhere or the other but the
moot point being – the lights are not there. So what you see is a figment of
your imagination – because can the lights be turned on? NO. Are they reflecting
in the books? NO. Did we pay for them? NO? Nothing. The curious case of the presence
of the invisible lights.
Office cultures are crazy, notorious and difficult. It takes
a lot of expertise to navigate through this maze. Some manage it beautifully
well. They know which side the bread is buttered and act accordingly. It’s
crazy what happens. People will have lunch with eth boss, go home with the boss,
inform and snitch on colleagues with the boss. I have always refrained from
snitching on colleagues. It’s an old trick that some bosses use to fester a
climate of ill will and hate. They turn one colleague onto another and ensure a
network of spies. When I was much younger I was sucked into this, now I know
better. I stay clear from these things and don’t let myself get dragged into
this mess.
The mess intensifies the further you are away from home. So
if you are someone who has migrated and depend heavily on this job – the fight
and the insecurity gets even more nasty. That’s why I guess when Indians go
aborad they get very very bitchy and competitive. They don’t have an option. I have
learnt that about me as well. When I am secure and that I have another offer, I
play well, I play fearlessly and the decisions taken are from a position of
strength. They are invariably the right ones. One is able to better play and
handle situations correctly. Sometimes I feel that is the one advantage the
moderately rich kids have over the lesser kids. When I was starting off in life
– it was tough and I had to make it. I was married at a young age and failing
was not an option. Life strangled me. The other time was when I had a massive
EMI. At the time also risk taking was a non-option. Those are the worst days of
office life. Office life is bearable and equally good or bad at all times.
Assuming of course we are talking about the same office. Different offices have
different levels of politics. But in the same office most of the time the
environment is the same. The difference is our ability to control or withstand
it. We can better cope if we have options outside. If you are a skill set in
demand and you know there is always an option for you – you don’t face these
issues. But if you are forced to the wall, you are going to play the bitch!
The only way to constantly have an option is to be a
liability light person with adequate investments and most important – constantly
upgrade your skill sets. If you have skills sets that are in demand then you
have the constant confidence to do better. These come by constantly being paranoid
about new things and having a yearning to constantly upgrade. Only if you upgrade
will you be able to have the confidence to move and hence the confidence to
stay: Opposites reconciling?
I joined Jaihind college with a lot of dreams in my head. It
was the 90’s. Life was full of insecurity. Parents would urge you to study –
that was the only way out of the drudgery of life. Studying gave you and opportunity
like no other. In fact that’s a wrong thing… no one or rather nothing gave you
an opportunity. But if you did not study you knew you had no opportunity. I
joined Jai Hind college because Jasmine joined it. It’s of course not that
simple. Jasmine was applying in that college and I remember the phone call
clearly. I had got around the same percentage as hers and I remember asking her
on the phone that if you can, surely I would as well. So that’s my thing with Jai
Hind. It was in Town and there was a huge uproar from mom when I stated that I wanted
to join this college. But then I have already written about this and the way my
brother fought for me on this issue.
The thing is that I remember not having too much self-belief
while I joined college. I was plagued by doubt. I had no clue if I could ever
do anything in college and if I could do anything after college. A BCOM student
would get a job worth 10K a month writing accounts. And life was not going to
run on 10K a month. What was college going to give you in the end? A degree? That’s
about it. Some friends who would possibly help you later in your life? Who would
stand by you… just because you went through shit together. It’s not that easy. You
have to be a part of the group and do shit together to really be thick with
each other and keep those bonds strong. For me this was a group of a couple of
friends – one of whom I married. What else would college give. Definitely not
studies that were going to be useful to you later in your life.
Basically college did nothing much than serve as a social
gathering spot. The only thing you learn is to be more socially acceptable. That
itself requires a lot of belief which I think I had lacked. I was the confident
outspoken guy but – I still never knew what I was going to do with my life. And
really no one can really tell you what to do with your life. It is something that
you have to get to yourself. And in this set up – suddenly a few teachers come
up who decide that they want to do something about you and with you and shape
you and give you belief in ways you never thought possible. I think they too
did not know it as well. I am sure they knew that they were doing good for you
but i am also sure they did not know how they were doing good for you.
My first interaction with Mrs Dias happened thanks to Spic Macay
– it was a society for promoting classical music and culture amongst youth. They
came to campus to recruit us and I happily went along as the meetings on
Saturday were near home at Matunga. Mrs Dias was teaching us one of the
subjects and she asked the class who would come. I also formed deeper bonds
with our good friend V-inu there. There Dias nominated me to lead the Jai Hind chapter
and I worked with her on the events.
This was in First year Bcom. Then next year I was the assistant
secretary to the main secretary of the
Hobby Centre. I joined that just thanks to Dias. Whereever she was – I would be
happy to follow. In the third year – I became the secretary of Jai Hind college
Hobby Centre. This was the big high in my life. This was thanks to Dias. She would
actively promote me and towards the end of the year she aske dme to fill in my
achievemnets and give her. She had nominated me for the awards for the best
student. Finally I did not get that one – but I got the award that said – ‘Principal’s
award for extra curricular activities’. This is the second best award of the
school. Ahead of the second best student of the year. It seems I missed this by
just a whisker – Dias pushed my case but some teachers were not in complete
favor.
More than this – I think the only thing a young student
needs is some level of interaction with an understanding adult. An adult who
believes in him and his abilities. Who simply pushes you by giving you
responsibility and freedom and the willingness to back you. This was in many ways what Dias did. She only
backed me – that’s all. She backed me with the complete trust that she had and
that made me better. Simple. She was the anchor of my college life. What she said or what she
believed of me or simply what I thought she thought of me itself gave me a lot
of confidence. More than anything its self-belief that helps. As a young
growing teen, you know you have in you. You know that life will figure out
right and that life is full of hardships and uncertainty – the fact that a
teacher of yours thinks you are cool and you are ok, this is something that you
hold on to when you step out of college. This counts for a lot.
Now after 20 years, I would claim to have said that I have
reasonably turned out well. I haven’t sold my company for a 100 crores or
anything like that but I am there – achieved whatever I have and most
importantly I have self belief. When I look back at the professors who believed
in me – Prof Dias stands out. I love her dearly and really wish her well. last
week – she passed away. I came ot know of this yesterday. Even thinking about
it makes me upset – really upset. Tears well up and I cant feel happy. She had
more belief in me than my parents. She was the pillar and the anchor. She was
amazing. She cared about me. At the time I was going around with Jasmine and
she just gave both of us equal work. She accepted our relationship as casually
as ever. Only at the end after I had passed out , she asked me once – do your
parents know. By then they did. She was the best. Jasmine and me pooled in some
money and we bought her some small gold ear rings. We wanted to show her we
loved her. We invited her to our marriage and were so happy she came. She
finally retired as the vice principal of the college. She was very dear to me.
I think when you are reasonably successful you luck back at
the times when you weren’t so and think a bit. At the time you were a piece of
shit but some people trusted you, believed in you or were your friends. They were
there with you at the start. They don’t care about where you are right now.
These professors and friends are something I value the most. Now at 40 – I am
at an age that I see death and I am none too wiser. I understand this
inevitability but as I just realized – I can’t really be unaffected by it. I am
that emotional. Possibly I am what I cannot understand myself to be.
Professor Dias – you shaped me in a way you cannot imagine.
Your belief in me helped me push harder. You trusted me when many wouldn’t. I don’t
want this occasion to thank others. There have been others but there has been
none like you. Jasmine and me both owe you a lot. Thank you.
I hope to be a better teacher and a better human. I hope to
give that what you gave me to others who possibly seek it from me. That would
be my ultimate tribute to you.
I am upset but this piece makes me feel better. A little
lighter. I have done my crying. I am a little stronger.
Parents and kids have this constant tug of war between
freedom and compliance. Should we allow freedom or should we insist on
compliance. What is the right thing to do? Like many things it is a balance and
the right thing to do is completely dependent on circumstances and the safety
precautions. But sometimes safety is not even the consideration here. Deciding
what to wear is the most important thing that teens do. Jispa is a teen and
deciding what to wear is something she wants to do right now. She is gaining
her own sense of style. I see that in her. She decides what looks good on her
and what doesn’t. It drove us nuts till one day I decided that now she is old
enough to be what she wants to be. I haven’t ever stopped Jasmine from wearing
or buying anything she wants. I have sometimes given my opinion on what looks
good and what looks like crap in my opinion but I don’t think Jasmine can ever
accuse me of being overbearing or even largely influencing what she must wear.
I am clear about my life – I like to wear certain things and I don’t like to
wear some things – I want to be in control of that, and no one else.
I don’t want to wear formals and at times I am happy wearing
them. These are my choices. Those around me only have the right to have a
clean, non-stinky hygienic person around them. The rest should be completely
dependent on the individual in concern. What is clean is also up for debate.
Now days people are more tolerant towards a stubble – in fact it’s in fashion. Before
I remember it was sacrilege to come ‘unkept’ to office. Now I think people
spend more time on keeping a stubble than ever before. Fashion by definition is
edgy. It has to be different, it has to break convention. The younger you are
the better you will be at breaking convention. It is by breaking convention and
breaking laws that you will get ahead. You will have to fight the naysayers
around you, people who tell you that it’s not worth the risk, people who will
demand conformity. These are the fights you will have to take on to push for
change. As my favorite quote from Gearge Bernad Shaw – Change depends on the
unreasonable man.
Its been great since I have sat outside. I like to see these
guys doing crazy things and rebelling in their own way. The last post of
youtube videos from Dance India Dance was also thanks to them. I saw the movie
ABCD (part 1) over the weekend in an effort to understand them. They liked that
movie and I was happy to see it just to understand that. Now that I think about
it, when I was their age I too liked these movies. Dance as a form of expression
of rebellion is something that refuses to go out of form. The movie is nice –
it’s has no story whatsoever – besides what can be written on one side of a
cheap plasticy tissue paper that an udipi cuts into four quarter and leaves on the
table, it has no acting – in fact since it casts newbie dancers, the story
tries to stay clear of giving them too many emotions or dialogues. Most of the
shots are long and involve more than one actor. They took an aging but amazing
dancer as the lead to manage all the main shots and at the end the focus was
clear – DANCE and everything was an excuse to dance – and rebellion was the
emotion in the dance. Competition is the biggest driver – but the real driver
was competition against odds – against the entrenched – against the rich and
against the norms. What is dance without rebellion? Dirty dancing also was in
many ways the same thing.
Now coming back to rebellion back home. Jispa is rebelling
in her own small way. For one – she pissed Jasmine by wanting to put purple
laces on her pink sports shoes. Actually make that shoe – with the singular. She
put it only on one shoe. Wow that’s cool. Jasmine was not too amused and I had to step in. You
will have to allow this. This is simply a sign of individuality – and individuality
is by definition – rebellion.
I think this is going to be some cause of tension in the family.
We are going to see more of this rebellion. And I am priming myself for a
mindset that accepts this rebellion and in fact actually encourages it. I don’t
know how I can take it and I don’t know where I would break. But I know if I constantly
try, I will do better. Much better than ever. She may get into a lot more
trouble but that is the only chance she has of being herself, being who she truly
is. This way she hopefully will find out what she is without any encumbrances
from us. It has to be in spite of us and not thanks to us. Because if it thanks
to us then the rebellion is mine and when was the last time you trusted a couple
of 40 year olds to rebel for you.
Ah. The fun of sitting out with the young kids in office
unbeatable. Alos it helps that I don’t really interfere or look over them all
the time and let them be what they want to be. Otherwise having a nanny around
you is the most irritating thing that one can ever have. Of course it also
helps me in a way that I can be a boss and not be bossy. Not bother about what
people do whole day. I try not to even know what they have to do. I just sit
around them, talk to them on random things and have a good time. I teach them a
lot and they teach me a lot.
Today they were sitting and watching videos and I generally
asked them what they were watching and they showed me the videos of ABCD movie.
They first made me watch the Bezubaan video from ABCD and then Bezubaan phir se
from ABCD 2.
Here watch the first video
You must watch the video to progress further on this blog!
We then got talking about the movie and the dance moves and
how difficult it would have been to choreograph the moves. These days with the reality
shows coming up on Tv with some amazing dance moves, there are so many dance
studios mushrooming in the country. Now dancing and teaching dance is a respectable
profession. To my mind when I was
growing up I don’t think one could tell a parent that one was going to dance
for a living, unless one was a classical dancer. I am a hip hop dancer – ya sure
– now can you get your accounts paper cleared. Sure . A lot of kids just must
have grown up to dance and then bury their ambitions or passions in math books.
Today thanks to the Karan Johar movies, having a sangeet function in the
marriage is a must and in this marriage function all the near and dear come and
dance to steps. These are carefully choreographed for maximum effect. People (a
lot of people) come together for their friends or cousins wedding and spend
time practicing their moves. This gives rise to a demand for choreographers who
possibly might be able to make a decent level of income. I would surely assume
that a lot of them from far humbler backgrounds. I saw a few and I thought this
is a great thing for India. Jobs gets created in ways that we don’t imagine.
Jasmine’s maid from her old house had a daughter who loved to dance. She then
grew up watching these dance moves on TV. Now she teaches dance for a living. That’s
great. That’s a step up!
Then these guys told me to search for Dharmesh sir on
youtube. What? Just search for Dharmesh sir. What follows is one of the most
inspirational audition clips that I have ever seen. I wouldn’t want to spoil it
for you. WATCH IT NOW.
As a teacher, as a boss, to see this clip is something
extraordinary. Now when you see Dharmesh sir, do you think you have seen him
somewhere? The first video has this Dharmesh sir leading the dance in a movie.
If there is a great story of Indian media opening
up possibilities then
this is it! If there a story of triumph then this is it. I was really moved by
this video. This is Dharmesh sir teaching his wards – doing well and then
trying to do it himself! Whoah! From Baroda. Saala full emotional kar diya
Somebody gave me a collection of songs which included a lot
of unplugged from MTV. These were some awesome songs sang unplugged by these
great singers. Jispa has a musical ear. This was confirmed to me by her music
teacher in school. She also listens to a lot of music thanks to jasmine who
keeps the radio on whenever she is in the car. Music is something that has in
many ways missed me by. I can hear some amount of music but not too much of. I
find it distracting or I think worse – pointless - after a point of time. It is amazing but not
my passion. I am weird I guess in this respect.
With my analytical brain I possibly try to over analyse the
music and in the process I possibly don’t enjoy it at all. Amongst the music I enjoy
– I love good fusion music. I remember once dad listening to fusion music on
the radio. I think was the government AM channel. I was asleep and I remember
waking up slowly to the music which was in its last fast tempo. Dad also I think liked his music. We had a big
stereo in the house in Dubai. It was big sexy looking Sanyo with a recorder and
all. I remember listening to some classics – especially the songs and dialogues
of Sholay!
Jispa and I have had some interactions on music. I have
tried to get her to listen to some of the music I like. I remember especially
eth sound track of Bunty and Babli which we ejoyed listening to. The other was
of course – my all-time fav – With or without you by U2. But nothing
consistent. So this time I suddenly have started listening to the unplugged
Indian songs. On the menu of the car –
the song name was flashing with the Unplugged suffix. Jispa asked me what
unplugged was. While explaining the same – I had an interesting discussion on
the Unplugged genre. Here the singer sings with no electronic instruments and
has only acoustic to back him up. The focus is on eth singer and we agreed that
the singer in many ways is infusing his soul, his version, his life into the song.
He changes the temp a bit, he adds a bit of his variations while singing and
overall it creates a different experience. Jispa even felt that singer is
changing the lyrics. I guess – he reorders them basis his liking. But clearly
the singer is in focus and that I what makes the experience interesting.
Another thing I learnt from the kids in office is the
amazing breath of coke studio. They too take music and allow the artistes to
reinterpret it and reimagine and to have conversations with it. With multiple
artistes coming together in a melting pot of sorts. What I found most
interesting is that cool young people showed me these songs. I was young and
cool (hopefully cool) cool was definitely not hindi and definitely not this
kind of melting pots of classical, folk and fusion. It’s interesting that not
only is MTV doing this but it’s something that is resonating with the people
that are cool. I would love to know how this works across India. This kind of
studio set up mish mash was the exclusive domain of Doordarshan in my time with
only oldies watching it.
Wow. Here listen to this episode. I love the explanations
and the discussion of the artistes on what they want to achieve in the songs
and how they bring them all together. The first song in many ways in as ode to
Jispa – my daughter - ore o parevda tu kale udi jay re. Dear birdie – you can
fly away tomorrow, today stay over once with us. Hah!
But all there are three songs in this and all of them are
interesting with cute back stories on the arrangements…
I sure wish that we as aq family were able to let Jispa
learn the guitar. In her swimming and studies – Guitar got the boot. I don’t forgive
myself for this. Dam shit!
In many free advice blogs on the internet – one common one
along with travel is – learn a new skill. So what if you are 40! Well I am not
yet 40 but I still have it in me to learn a new skill. And as I always say at
40 – its your brains doing the skilling!
Jispa wanted a wave board this vacation. She said she was
reasonably good at it and she wanted to enjoy the wave board. Sure. Her friends
have it too and Jispa learnt to balance with it at her friends place.
Interesting! Skate boards are largely a guy thing but these wave boards seem
largely unaffected by gender. When I was in dubai, dad had got us one pair of roller
skates. I think these were meant for my sister but one between all three of us
was enough. I skated in them. My dad supported me when I started skating. I
remember skating the most when we moved back from Dubai and for one vacation we
went to Abu Dhabhi, were dad took up another job for a year. There, a promenade
was made at the sea side called the Corniche, which was great for skating. I
would skate a lot. I practically learnt to skate there. One incident I especially remember; I slipped
and I was about to fall on my bum and one foreigner who was running right behind
me caught me in an attempt to protect himself. He too was taken by surprise. I
do remember that those days I really enjoyed myself. What was it about having
wheels on legs that made me feel really nice, I don’t know, but it was amazing.
Jispa too never asks us for too many things. She is largely
a satisfied girl. So when she asked for a wave board I was more than happy to
oblige. I told her we would get one before her vacations start and sure enough,
we bought one just in time for her vacations. She tried it at the store. The sales
guys corrected her a bit as she had problems starting off. He said ‘put your front
foot forward first and then you can take off without support’. Jispa needed
support in terms of a rail or a hand to start off.
We got it home and Jispa has been fooling around with it at
home. Lying around the house – I too tried to ride it. The wave board is an
interesting piece of invention. Unlike a skate board you have only two wheels.
One in front and one behind. It very cleverly uses the twisting of the board to
somehow convert that motion into forward motion and propels you ahead. It’s a nice
one. So I climbed onto it at home with support. Then I did something that I am
proud of – i just suddenly decided in my head that I have to start without
help. You simply put the front foot forward and step onto the wave board. Of
course – this is a two wheel thing – it can only be stable if you are moving.
So you just step onto it pushing it forward and get your second leg on – there-
-ho gaya. I knew something even Jispa didn’t.
Yesterday I took Jispa to the garden to try her waveboarding
skills. It was pretty cool. I told her how she needs to simply trust herself
and walk onto the board. That’s it. Its like a cycle. You need to be in motion
to be stable. And she managed pretty soon pretty well. She was skating all over
the palce. The paver blocks are a pain in the compound and the tar has too much
gravel that’s not been swept. Luckily I remembered one part of the garden,
which was supposed to be a water body with a water fall. Obviously these things are not
what gets maintained in India. The pond was dry as a bone and this stupid pond
was all cemented making it a perfect thing for waveboards. Smooth and with slopes
on the sides, making it fun to approach and learn as well.
Then shen she was a bit tired – I tried my hand (or leg) at
it. I am really scared of the dam thing. Not so much at failing or falling, but
I am shit scared of my knee. So I cant put my right knee forward. I put my left
knee in front and then I take off – confidently. Confidence in the mind is the
key to take off. The problem is the twisting motion. I just cant get that right.
That is bloody difficult. I kept trying and kept trying. Jispa tried helping. I
fell off every single time. rather – I had to step off. Only once I fell hard
on my butt, but I picked up and started again. Am I proud – at 39 years – doing
this fearlessly – I was proud. At the end – I did manage to get the hang of it
for a few meters. The twisting motion is still proving difficult. I have to get
that one. I managed in the end to twist myself to a few more meters, but is
still difficult when the initial momentum wears off.
So now I hope in this vacation – I learn to play with this
waveboard. The greatest joy will be just stepping up on the waveboard in front
of others – especially in a shop – where they are only expecting young ones to
know this. I haven’t seen anyone my age knowing how to ride this stuff. That
will set a few guys wondering on how the hell has he managed to pull off this stunt.
Hah! Lets see.
There are a few things on the sports thing I still have to
learn:
1 – wave boarding
2 – learning the tumble turn in swimming
3 – tennis – basic level and serve
It’s like a simple bucket list – but I am satisfied from it
for now. Lets see how long I take to figure these.
I had a skype meeting at 8.45 am today. So I was telling
Jispa to hurry up as I drop her to school. I told her I have a meeting and I
was getting the car to zip. She looked at me and asked me what I was doing in
jeans and a t shirt if I had a meeting. I told her that I have meetings every
day and I don’t need to wear formals for all meetings. She understood and she
was asking me why I bother wearing formals at all. Jeans are so comfortable.
‘shouldn’t you wear what you are wearing everyday rather than being who you are
not’. Yup I agree with her completely. I can’t understand formal clothes. I
find them so bloody irritating. People should wear what they want to wear. I
had no real explanation on why we have formal clothes culture in office. Why
should we force people to wear formals? People should wear what they wear regularly
and what they work the best in. Formals are definitely not it.
I quit. I quit wearing formals. I can’t handle any more
formals… please.
Fine… I am getting carried away. But I really want to quit
wearing formals for good. I am inspired by the this quitting thing. I was
listening to a podcast of a Freakonomics episode where they explain the upside
of quitting. It’s quite interesting. They say that people normally gravitate
towards an average happiness of 7 on 10. No matter how bad shit has hit you or
how much you might have been luckily happy. Over a period of time – you hit a
7. So if you want to quit – great – do it. It doesn’t matter. You will hit a 7
in no time. It also talks about why you must quit something fast. If it’s not
working for you then you must quit fatafat. It saves you so much time and
effort.
I look at Jispa – now this is going to be severe – I hope
Jispa you understand what I mean here. Jispa has been swimming for many years
now. It has defined her and her identity. She defines herself as a swimmer. She
has hit state level but has yet to break it into the nationals. She trains hard
and long but – when I see her and I see the others – it’s there to see. I think
that for now – this is her level. It would take an extraordinarily large amount
of effort for her to break further in swimming. I would want her to quit and
take up something else. Something other sport, some reading, some cycling or
whatever else that catches her fancy. India does not have swimmers and a
swimming culture nor the infrastructure. To break through I would have to send
her abroad and across the world to learn more. Then she needs to forget
studying or anything else. Too much to go nowhere… and most importantly she is
giving up her childhood for this.
Kids can grow up and blame their parents that we did not
push them enough. This is a double edged sword. Do I push them enough so that
they don’t really love their childhood or should I push them so hard so that
they achieve what they are meant to achieve. What to do is a mystery. But one
thing we must teach them – which is the most difficult thing to do – is to
quit. Quit when is not going for you. Quit when you don’t like it. Quit when
you think its enough. Quit when you think that inspite of everything you may
not make it. Quitting is a thing we don’t really like,. We have been taught to
go for it, to push, to never see reality. The top industry titans carried along
and refused to quit when everything was against them. They kept going. Tales of
champions are filled with messages of don’t quit. When the going gets tough the
tough get going. Whoever heard of when the going gets tough – take a reality
check.
I wish Jispa quit swimming. I wish she spent that time reading,
watching movies, roaming endlessly. I wish she picked up another sport, played some
tennis with me or badminton. I wish she quit and started something else. She
has achieved far more than what I dreamed of. She represents Mumbai for heavens
sake! What more. She wants to hit the nationals once. Once – she says. Oh god.
I hope it happens fast – for her. Then I hope she takes on something else, till
she finds something she really enjoys – like swimming perhaps :)
It’s difficult to deal with the bitch in office. Human
tendency is to bitch and find a common ground to bitch on. People like to
bitch. Often associated with women, men too bitch like crazy. But somehow I have
seen more women bitch about than men. I think men play the games that are more
virulent than the women. They get Machiavellian and start plotting. Actually
all this I think is ultimate Bull S. I think men/ women – they are all similar.
They all bitch, they all talk ill about others and all try to find common bitch
stories. It’s pretty painful in office when they bitch about you and amazingly
fun when you are bitching about someone.
Till a few years ago I too was quite affected by all the
bitching that was going around. I too wanted to be loved. To be loved is an
interesting but not universal tendency. I have seen guys who don’t care about
being loved. They are way too much in love with themselves. They think that
they are it and that people should naturally love them or don’t even care whether
people love them or not as, long they fulfill their own objectives. And then
there are the others who want to be loved. It affects them if people don’t love
them and don’t understand if people don’t love them. Why would you not love me?
They are on the ones who like to give love to their fellow beings and be nice
to all around them in the hope that the people will love them back,. These are
the guys who we call the nice guys and as in most real life stories… nice guys
finish last. These are the guys who invariably get upset when people don’t like
them and talk ill about them… after all that they did for everybody – why would
they get this shit.
I was the latter. I always wanted to be loved. Then life
teaches you a lot. I think fatherhood, public service, jobs and generally
interpersonal relationships taught me that no one has a guarantee on love.
Nothing is compulsory – no love is generally expected form anybody. I learnt
that I cannot be the first type and the second type is really up for a disaster.
There is a third type. Love for the sake for love. Love that is in essential
selfish. I love because I love to love, because that is the thing that makes me
happy. Getting love back is also happy but you can’t expect it and you don’t when
you are going to get it back. Of all the people you love some will hate you for
it, some will call you a fraud and some … some are worth all the trouble. They are
ones who give you a lot of love back. But the timing is also in your hand. I
see a lot of my kids every year grow up. Some kids keep in touch and some just
drift away. Some in some vague ways give a chance to feel their love and some
just go away… and you can’t predict one from the other. So the only policy is
simple – love all, but stay nicely disconnected from all that love.
This is difficult. Can you love without expecting anything
back? Is that real love? Can you have the intensity without expectation? This is
the real test but it’s impossible for me to follow. I can preach it but I cannot
live up to it. So I have found another way around this. I love, I expect but I don’t
let the expectation burden my love and my loved ones. It’s easier around the
office and society but of course more difficult when the intensity cranks up in
office. But I am learning every day, I promise you that I am learning every day. I am trying my best and it has helped. When
you do something because you love someone and because you expect something back
from your loved one – then believe me – the loved one rises to the occasion and
give you a lot back and loves you amazingly well. This is the truth – the bets
love is always the one that you get unexplained. The love that is there because
it’s there (sorry Mallory).
That helps deal with expectations and of course frees the
loved one from the burden of your expectations. They are free to express (or
not) their love in ways that are unique to them. Sigh..
I was talking about office bitch and I landed here. On the
office bitch – expect it no matter what. Laugh at it… have fun – they are
humans after all and most of the time bitching is a way of team building and
solidarity. Some are viruses that need to be removed – these are the negative people
spreading the negativity… but largely the rest of us are well meaning bitches
letting off a little steam. You can’t control so much in your life – if you can’t
control your love and the love you get back – then what’s with these simple
bitches….
After two years I played cricket. I had given up on playing
cricket after my awe full knee that is impossible to contain on the field. So I
was missing in action, till my building guys ganged up and gave me real
emotional gyan for me to play in the team. This was the league organized between
buildings in the complex. The last time
while batting my knee folded and it was impossible to do anything. This time I thought
my knee had improved and I thought I could manage it.
It was obvious that these guys did not know much about field
placement and when I took the field I could place the fielders correctly. And this
one always works… when I change one fielder and ask him to move a little bit
and the next ball comes directly down his throat for a catch. This one happened
here as well and the pretender was clear
– I was to set the field and the others simply followed. And that was good fun.
You choose who the good fielders are and figure where you want the better guys
to stand – who might be a good runner to stop the boundaries and who might be
good enough to stay within the circle and who is likely to take skiers that get
hit…and of course where are the skiers likely to go to. All this without really
knowing who really does what. I have met these guys just about a week back and I
hardly got to play anything with them. Once just judges from body types and
posture if the guy would be a boundary guy or an inner circle guy.
When I was much younger I wanted to bowl field and bat.
Slowly I stopped wanting to bowl. I knew my limitations. I wasn’t too much
interested in bowling in any case. With a bad knee and back – I had stopped
bowling some time back. Also I hated this no ball issue. I would bowl amazingly
well in the trials and the nets where there was no real issue of no balls but I
would be horrible in a match situation. Here all hell would break free. I was
forever scarred by one match where I kept bowling no balls. So it was only
batting for me. Now as an old man – I did not want to go out to bat I was happy
sending people one after the other. These guys wanted me to bat but I kept
refusing in the two starting games. In a stupid four over game we lost enough
wickets for me to go in. I promptly went and ran myself out. What else do you
want me to do in the last over of a four over match? Next match I got myself
bowled. I was out of touch. Then came the third match. this was against the top
team.
Our team got me to place the fielders but we still had two
captains. One guy who was the enthu guy who got the entire team together and another
guy who was the good player who the other captain. Who was the captain? Between
them they were making a mess of the bowling changes and the batting order. In a
bloody four over game they were deciding the batting order and the idiots
wanted to go one down or two down… same thing in the bowling – some idiot wanted
to save his over for the last over as he was expecting some pinch hitting in
the end. They actually take the logic of a 50 over match to four overs. In a
four over match you just keep hitting. The best batsman come in first and then
you use the best bowlers up front so that you take wickets and stop play. So in
the third match some idiot gave the worst bowler the second over so that he
preserves the best bowler for the last – that too against two in form rampaging
batsman. They murdered us. I tried to switch the fielders a bit and get the
field right. I got it spot on and got the field right – but all the shots went
for sixers – right above the fielder I had kept. There were no boundaries…
straight sixes. I was pretty irritated with these idiots.
So while batting first the opposite team made around 65
runs, with bowlers bowling no balls which went for sixes. I came off the field
in a different mood. I asked who took decisions and people just shrugged. I saw
the team highly demotivated and down. I just got really pissed and asked for
the bat and went opening. And it was fun – I smashed two sixes! Then I was out
but it set the tone – we still lost but respectfully.
I wondered what made me suddenly perform. It’s the same in
badminton – I refuse to raise my game just for no reason. Why should i? I think
I behave like this in office as well. It’s
difficult for me to keep my game at a raised level through the game, through
the day or through the year. Something has to tick me off or tick me right or
some stimulus. I have always been an aggressive person – very very aggressive
but I have learnt that aggression is something people use against you. It
fundamentally hurts us especially our own health and then it hurts all those
around us.
But still I enjoyed. I still hit two more sixers in the next
game and I took one really good catch that I was proud of. The team wanted me to
lead them the next year. That was fun. But who knows what is there is store
next year. Let’s see. But that’s why I like the game. It teaches me a little
about myself. And it keeps me constantly guessing. In one match we dropped 4
catches. I kept seeing what I could do. I kept looking around… the fielders
were placed in the right places. The miscues were going to the wrong guys and
the right guys were making the wrong mistakes. So that felt nice – thinking and
making decisions and seeing the results. Once I saw the field, the batsman and
thought to myself – oops – a mistake. But I realized it too late and I couldn’t
change the field and the next ball went exactly into the area I knew was the
hole…. Aaarghh. It’s a bitter sweet then. Bad because there was a boundary and
good because you predicted it. hmmm….
With Jispa growing older it’s a big thing for me to adjust
to her growing up. It’s not the same thing! I remember coming home and my
daughter jumping in joy and running to hug me… we had a puppy at home! Now of course
I believe she is happy to see me but it takes a large effort for her to show
her love. She is growing up and I don’t know how to treat her. It’s going to
take some doing from my side, to grow up at 39 and behave older :)
It’s been so much growing up after being a father. A lot of
fun and pain and love and laughter and tears. I never did know that it would
affect me so much emotionally. I remember the day I was in the room when she
popped out from Jasmine. She was so small and she fit into my hands. Her head
was smaller than my palm. I saw her eyes open as she was put on the weighing
scale immediately after birth. And I gave Jasmine a hug and told her – its Jispa!
We had the name ready for a girl!
Cut to when I traveled a lot. I used to get her a plastic
spoon from the airline. She would be happy and I would be the cheapskate
getting away by hardly spending a penny.
Cut to when she was so small that I would come home and
insist that I would give her a bath. I would wash my legs and then place her on
my legs while giving her a bath. The face I would leave for Jasmine.
Cut to when I would wake her up and take her to the loo in
the morning to give her a brush and then give her a bath so as to get her ready
for school
Cut to when I she would need me to sleep next to her when
she did not get sleep and I would fall asleep alongside her and Jasmine would
wake me up to sleep on my bed.
Cut to when she would wake me up in the middle of the night
saying she had a bad dream and I taught her to solve it, and she would then
wake me up when she couldn’t solve it
Cut to when I invented the naanu motu game with me being the
naanu so that she had to hold me to take care of me and not the other way
around.
Cut to when once I was dropping her to school and I slipped
on the stairs and I was safe as I held on to her
Cut to when I first took her swimming with all her floats on
And cut to the point when she tried in vain to teach me
tumble turn while swimming. I just couldn’t get my bearings right.
Cut to…. Me feeling emotional whenever I see this video
below. It’s so difficult not to shed a tear. While of course these soldiers
face grave danger while away from duty… a travelling sales man or even a
corporate warrior on offsite hates to be away and feels so nice to be home and
hug your family!
Here the bonus video – nice song – almost (if you remove
some bits) a fathers song for his daughter. I would love to be your HERO
There are many things that as a child you imbibe and no
matter what the mental make up many years hence, some things wont go.
My first tryst with a birds nest was in my granny house. In the
good old days the deck up around the house consisted of having simple sofas and
a panel that ran around the wall, around six inches from the ceiling. I think
it was called the pelmet. In my granny’s house this pelmet ran all around the wall
and not just near the curtains. It was on this pelmet that the pigeons and
sparrows made their nest. They are irritating birds. The pigeons especially go
coo coo through the morning and irritate you through the day. Pigeons like to
make their nest inside homes as I guess they offer the best protection from the
outside predators. It used to be made of hay and grass. My granny would try to
keep the place clean and rid the house of the nests as they are being made. In variably
one might just get made and before we realize it – an egg would be placed. Now
we are Jains, we like to keep our house really really clean. The idea being that
if you keep it clean, you won’t have the insects and birds coming in and then
you won’t have to have the burden of removing them. The rule was simple – you keep
clearing the nests so that they don’t lay the eggs. But once the eggs are laid,
they you are done for. You have no option but to bear the dam thing. You don’t remove
a nest in which the egg is laid. Once when my aunt was removing the nests from
the pelmets one nest came out with the eggs and the eggs fell and broke. That time
I saw repent on her face and she exclaimed, only if she had known. That was my
imprint on how and when to remove nests. You have to keep removing them beforehand
itself. Afterwards as a Jain you have no option.
I remember once the eggs were laid and the chicks came out.
They were all scrawny looking ugly things. My mom woke me up early to see the
nest and the babies inside. We would come in from Dubai not having seeing any
animal life except the humble Camel. Even a crow, a pigeon or a sparrow was
exciting and pigeon chicks…. Wow that was national geographic epic.
In our current house, we have three places where the nesting
happens. One we managed to stop this year by putting a bird wire as that window
was largely shut in any case. And now we have two places to manage. One near
the bathroom window was where we had to let go last year as the eggs were
placed. This year some determined work ensured the crows got wiser. The one
under the big hall window is now the place where the some dour work is
happening by the crows. It’s Jasmine versus the crows now. She keeps removing the
nest and they keep building it. It’s an epic battle. They use metal wires to
build the nest. They have adapted to all the construction activity happening in
Mumbai to build tough metal nests which they later put soft feathers and
material in the center cavity. They weave
the nest through the grill outside and make it very difficult to dislodge. Jasmine
keeps removing the nest. She has to tug away and pull hard to get it out. while
she does it, the crows (around eight she says) take turns to attack her. They fly
away to the opposite building and then fly in crowing menacingly… kaw kaw kaw.
Its an all out attack on Jasmine is pretty scared that they will peck her, so
she gets her maid to remove the nest and she stands guard shooing the crows
away. Over the weekend, Jispa was on guard. This week end they were especially
prolific. They kept building the nest and we kept removing it. I think we
removed the wires around 6 times in a day. Their season was really approaching.
It was a fun battle. At eth endof eth weekend the pile of wire was three feet
high. I also think the crows know whom to attack. They seem to attack less ferociously
if I am around. I can remove the nest without external help. It’s crazy how
fast the animals adapt. These crows know male from female and they have started
using construction material. It’s like the militant monkeys at Matheran. They know
whom to attack and when to attack. They go for the right foodstuff inside the bags,
they like their colas and chips and candy!
