love yourself (with a purpose)

I used to look down on foodies. I saw them as fat food junkies who were lazy and ate anything without really appreciating the food or worse still, appreciating food and nothing else. they lived to eat and their entertainment was only what you could eat. the archetype of the fat foodie was in my head and i had a healthy disdain for their kind. For me food was simple, put in your tummy as fast as possible and run forward. More cheese and fat was good as long as you could burn it. I for the hell of it, could never understand why people would like to spend their time and money to search for interesting places to eat and get ‘foodertained’.

My tryst with food I think started later in life, I think around five six years ago. From 2004 to 2008, my job involved some bit of traveling and I enjoyed the luxuries of flying the country and staying in five star hotels. I couldn't care less about going out and experiencing the city. For me it was a simple thing of getting to the hotel, ordering dine in and filling the bath tub and sinking in with the luxuries that are on offer. When the 2008 crash happened, traveling was the first to go out form the window along with five star stays. It was at that time that I realized that I had travelled but not really seen anything in any city. The big one I remember very clearly was when I was in Kolkata and my hotel was next door to the Kolkata zoo, I simply stayed put and never ventured next door. So when travel stopped I realized what I needed to do when it restarted. 

So when in 2010 I began to travel again for work, I decided to see the sights and see the cities in all their glory. Also a long work day meant that most of the time the free time would be in the evening and in the evening if you want to see the city then it has to be more gastronomical than anything else.

Thats how i slowly started sampling what the city has to offer in terms of food more than anything else. Amongst the food memories that i have these few stand out - the chai in the earthen pot in kolkata, the chills pakoda in vizag, the crazy food market at Manek chowk in Ahmedabad and the sarafa bazaar in Indore, the delhi parantha waali galli in chandini chowk and the soya chop sabzi in bengali market (delhi) which i can never forget, murugan idli in Chennai, the bhendi chips in ananda bhavan in Bengaluru, parathas somewhere in Chandigarh, and so on… Such is the rich experience I have had over the last few years and ofcourrse i have obviously missed many more lovely experiences. Plus these are the ones I have experienced as an official traveler. Those that I have had a leisure traveler are also too numerous.

The leisure ones I think started in earnest with our London trip. In London, we were out the whole day and the thing we subsisted on were cheap sandwiches which you get everywhere. you just pick up with a drink and chips and run along doing whatever you wanted to do. So thats what we ended up doing. On the first day I told Jispa - no matter how tasty the sandwich, we not have the same thing twice. So we experimented with every different sandwich and bread that we could and I found a willing ally in Jispa. We discussed the texture and the tastes and we enjoyed the variety that London had to offer us.

Now that I found food interesting and my palate began to develop, my mind followed and I began to look closely at what I could understand on food. Texture, taste, ingredients etc gave me insights into the kind of behavior and attitudes people exhibited and it began to shape a lot about what I saw and understood. The best was when Jasmine’s brother took us to the Hilton resort at Shillim (lonavala) which by itself was an extremely pricey hotel. There, we were there for a few days and I was bored with the standard fare so we experimented with a new restaurant in the hotel. We walked and started ordering only to realize that it was Fine Dine. To my amazement, i loved the food and loved sharing about the experiences with Jispa. He palate too had refined and she could also find discernible differences in the texture and the food and the course. I was hooked.

So this time on Jasmine’s birthday I booked ourselves at the Masala Library which I was told had a lovely tasting menu which was designed as a nine course plated meal. ( a lot of people in India don't even know what plated means). WE went and enjoy the mean and we were critical of it enough to know what we were served was clearly NOT clearly up to mark. It was the most expensive meal that would have eaten with my family and it was an experience in itself. All my life i have had times of feeling rich and feeling poor. I would feel rich only to create a (happy) instance where I went and over invested and ended up being poor till salaries rose.

These days I am feeling mixed. Rich due to a surplus spending potential but risk averse as i work in an insecure start up environment. So I thought why not take food as an experience and enjoy it with Jispa and the family. Jasmine too enjoys her food but she is an extremely tough nut to crack. She is not easily amused or vocal about it. Being from her Dand family she loves sweet and cold stuff more than anything else. Very rarely I have seen her get interested in food and drink and she rarely praises the food. It would take a lot out of her to get her to appreciate fine food. i must seen her praise some food only a few times in the time I have been with her. If she like an experience then it better be world class. Jispa and me on the other hand act like critics enjoying, praising critiquing the food we have anywhere, including possibly Burger King! We can get intellectual about fries with Jasmine wondering what the fuss would be about.

I think Jispa and me just love having these overtly intellectual conversations knowing that we are just having a ball of a time having  conversation.

For the record, the masala Library was a sore disappointment and not be had. Shit bland and overpriced menu and hardly beautifully decorated and plated. It was just a north Indian explosion of fat and taste. Rich wannabe Punju style with nothing in terms of texture and differentiated taste to show for it. Nothing at all. Just normal punk food served with some feeble attempt at style. Zilch!

moving on - there is something I also want to write about - Chakrasan. Go ahead and google it. Its a pose in Yoga. AN the humble chakrasan is the pose that stands for a lot of things in my life right now. I joined pilates class to get my back into shape and stretch my muscles. Later i realized it was a yogalates class. Basically a combo of yoga with pilates. It seeks to strengthen core muscles and promote a generally healthy body. I tried it at the start and it immediately helped strengthen my back which had started to hurt again in the middle. My core developed and so did my general strength and health. Twice a week in the morning I go for it. After two odd months I realized something… I hated the class but it was good for me. I hate the shit ass yoga music played and I hate the exercises and I hate the stretching I have to do. I hate the surya namaskars I have to do in different variations, but I know one thing - its good for me. I think I have always hated gymming out. I prefer playing some sport or a game instead. This is torture for me of the highest order. So many exercises that end up really hurting while I do it. Especially the plank! Its really really a tough thing to do. Then you have variations and other stuff, I hate. I hate the warm up routine and I hate the end routine. I keep looking at the watch as to what time will this end. And i hate the chakrasan. But I discovered a weird kind of will power while doing it. I realized that I was willing to do something that I completely hated and for me its is a source of strength and some proof that at 40 I still had control over what is right for me. Wow.

And chakrasan is the one thing that proves it for me. At the start I just couldn't do the chakrasan. then slowly slowly I could manage it. then one time, I was determined and I did it. the next time again I did it again a little more determined. this time, I sprained a little on the back where I think some of my muscles or nerves got entangled. So the last time, this week, I simply thought a little, cleared my mind and with my own time, I slowly lifted my body. I could do the chakrasan! wow. That was good. But still it doesn't escape the fact that I hate the class. And I am so proud of myself for hating the class and yet going in for it regularly in the morning! We all do things we love and we willingly make sacrifices for it but for doing something you hate and yet doing it as it is good for you in the long run, you know you have grown a little older, when that happens, isn't it?

Coming back to food, since I am lactose intolerant, I discovered the joy of having coffee with soy milk at the Starbucks. My favorite is the cappuccino soy, dry. Dry means that they put a lot more foam than the liquid from the soy milk. Nice strong and tasty with a ratchet of sugar. But when its hot, I have struggled for  finding relevance at the Starbucks. And I found a new one. A double shot expresso, served with Soy milk on the side. Along with Ice. Its funny because this is not on the menu. A double shot expresso with milk on the side is the cheapest on the menu and it not meant to be cold. Cold drinks are expensive at Starbucks. The cold coffee with soy milk is expensive as the cold coffee is made with cream, so you can choose not to add cream but you get charged for it. They aren't allowed to expresso on the rocks so I ask for all the ingredients separately and get it made according to my specifications at the bar. I love the strong drink I get and its the cheapest thing on the menu. haha! The joys of gaming your favorite place to be and getting your best thing done!

Also since Jispa got her cell phone every time we get into the car, we end up connecting her cell to the car bluetooth and listen to her collection of songs. I think the basic kind of music that the kids like hasn't change from my time. But its nice to get acquainted with music this way. Jispa, unlike me, loves her music and understands it. So who am I to stand in the way. So i happily listen to it and learn from it. New learning - Justin Bieber - the kid who shot to stardom and was tanked for crap music has made a come back. he is fans i am told are called ‘Beliebers’ and his latest album (Purpose) has been a hit and a come back to silence critics. Ofcourse not all critics are amused and of course there are detractors, but the point is that he changed his songs and the fans love it. Non Beilebers have turned and are listening. Jispa has it in the collection of songs she plays and I have heard it. I can safely say I am impressed. It is a bold new avatar for the guy!

here is the song and the music video

jispa and I both enjoyed it!

and now i saw this - a youtube response to the song. the Original is a guys perspective on a  break up and this one has both perspectives. The youtube stars now sing a song with both perspectives with the chick giving it a hard shot where it hurts and she is the one using expletives! Hah! that is one hell of a video. Yes for the record I saw it with jispa and I did not bleep the expletive!

teevee sheevee

I can tell you one thing for sure. Cable TV is amongst the greatest evils that are there in this world. for many years we lived without cable and all our friends wondered how we did that. I can say that after our experience atlas two of our close friends followed suit and banished it from their lives… to good effect. You then have more time for each other and you have more time for yourselves.

We took a cable connection some time back as it was important for me to watch the kabaddi matches. I was the guy who practically midwifed the Pune team and I still have roots attached to the team. I help them and am involved with them. It has been a rewarding experience personally. I learnt so much about the players and the sports and the stupid administration. The administrators are an authority into themselves and lack of press interest has led them to become complete and absolute authorities. But thats a story for another day.

So we took cable for the kabaddi season and then let it lapse. The next kabaddi season we renewed our cable connection. And this time - Jasmine started to watch the TV series 24. Its as perfect - the matches would end at 10 and her series would start at 10. I watch d a couple of episodes but I think I quickly realized that this is the DEVIL!

It is something that quickly sucks away your time and you don't know what to show for it at the end of it all. No improvement in knowledge or even entertainment value. I completely abhor it. Jasmine points out to instances where I sit to watch the series with her. Sure I saw the first series but then afterwards, sleeping at 11 after the series is something that I was not going to do. That would mean sleeping less and killing my work hours, especially in the afternoon.

I am not going to do that. But basically we then renewed our subscription. Soon enough Jispa started watching TV. She would pick up the remote and see whats there for her to watch. She started watching TV along with her food in the afternoon. There goes more family time. 

When the month of subscription got over - We renew it again as the world cup T20 is on and friends (who removed the cable thanks to us) came over and wanted to watch the match at our house.

Today morning we did not have swimming so Jispa decided to watch her movie yesterday at 9 pm. Jasmine had told her that her series will start at 10 pm so whatever she was watching wouldn't count. I left them at that and decided to sleep as I was going for my badminton game no matter what these jokers wanted to do. Sure enough at 10 Jispa walks in as she is banished from the TV. She come stop sleep next to me and she says she is mighty angry. Mom took control of the TV and chased her out. She was seeing her series and power won. Jispa was pissed as hell.

Now how do you placate a 13 year old girl who has her TV remote snatched from her. The answer - you don’t. So i decided to talk and distract her. We started discussing what all she remembered from her baby days. She remembered her first day ta school and then iI was recollecting her early days and then we tossed around a few memories. 

Memories - I think happy people, largely have happy memories. They are happy because they remember happy things that happened to them. Sad people are sad because they remember the sad things that happen to them. I think that Jispa is happy person. We recollected  bunch of stuff and then at some point, I told her that I am too sleepy and went to sleep. I think it put her in a good mood and now I am sure - TV is evil. TV destroys households and families. They stop people from interacting with each other! and this - was a classic case of control fights that we see. 

My brother and me always fought for the control of the TV. I remember bitter fights for control of the remote. It isn't pleasant. As india became richer, people started getting their own TVs in their own rooms. One the biggest fights I would have with my mom would be over her TV viewing habits. Not that I fought with her on which show to watch but more in terms of, please don't watch so much and keep the volume of these freaking irritating soaps so high. After Jispa was born I did not want to raise her watching these stupid irritating soaps and mindless cartoons.

Jasmine watches 24 - the first season was fun. I watched another season with her - that was ok. After this it just got repetitive. The plot was essentially the same. The same things happen and the same hero keeps doing the same things. The same office always has a man on the inside, there will be two big climaxes and there is an assassination attempt. How can you keep watching this shit!

I don’t have problems with entertainment. I love movies. Movies give us great joy and an escape and we love stories. I just have two huge problems with cable - one - its on a tap. Whenever you have nothing to do, you will take the remote and keep juggling. Second - it decides your time and not the other way around. In a DVD set up, you decide when you are going to watch the particular movie and not the other way around.

This is a social evil. This is a family evil. Read sleep walk. Anything but watch TV. I don't know right now what to do. I don't want to be the authority figure who refuses to renew the subscription. Jasmine will play her classic - i don't mind whatever you do but if you renew, I will definitely watch. Jispa will say whatever and I wonder if she will grow up to reprimand me - you never let us watch TV - you old fart!

So its weird. I hate this TV and I am angry, very angry that its there. But I guess people have to now grow up and make their own choices about what they want or don't want to do. Make your own mistakes and learn from it. 

parents are evil. period

When I ditched my nice cushy job at a large financial services firm to join the start up lives, I knew that I would be required to put in long hours and push the boundaries of what I knew or what I thought I could perform. What I did not know or anticipate, was the emotional involvement that the start up life takes out of you. I was ready for fast paced work, long hours, stupid young green horns, great tech guys, amazingly hardworking people, lack of processes, long nights of parties… but what I was completely not ready for - was this emotional involvement. This deep emotional feeling to see this succeed and be connected to. At my previous job, I was emotionally involved with my team but not with my job. I had no qualms leaving my job, but i had pangs of separation leaving my team. The team that I had taken 5 years to build perform. Handpicked, trained, emotionally invested in. Here - its right now the opposite. The team is still emotionally distant - obviously given the time, but the emotional connection with the company is off the charts. Last week I had gone to Delhi to attend a wedding in the family. As a policy I never ever take work on vacations, but this time I worked on both days, attended meetings and took calls. Happily and willingly. I guess my call was right in one respect at least. At 40, this is the right time to get into start up mode. Physically and mentally its a demanding role and getting to do these experiments will get tougher as I grow older. Right now, I have both the mental and physical ability to push the bar on this and push hard. I think one good call I have taken is, not to come to office on any Saturdays. 

Saturdays is something I have held sacrosanct. It was first while working at Hiranandani where I had all Saturdays working. That was a tough thing. As a young employee I remember working 6 day weeks and feeling the pressure on the Sunday. I remember feeling like sitting at home and relaxing on Sunday and Jasmine telling me - that she got only one day and she wanted to go out. That time I had told her that I will never ever tell her that I am tired to go out on any holiday. i have kept my word now for 16 odd years. From then on I have always lobbied for holidays on Saturday. In my previous firm, the different divisions oscillated between keeping two to three Saturdays working for half days and I lobbied against it. Its painful. So here when I joined I was clear, I don't work Saturdays. I am the only employee who bunks Saturdays and openly.

I think this passed off smoothly as often I am the first guy to come to office at around 8 - 830 am and amongst the late leaving guys at around 730 - 800 pm. This demonstration of willingness to work late has put me in a position so far where I am not yet questioned. I am not sure how long that would last but I know that if I want to save my Saturdays, I will have to work hard through the week and push the bar.

In this emotional roller coaster ride of a start up, my poor blog has received less attention than usual. Jispa though hasn't been getting less attention.Her grueling schedule means that we get some overlap time in the evenings. As she grows older I am trying hard, really trying hard to give her some space and freedom. She has been doing decently well. I was so proud that she finished at second place in the Khar swim Marathon! She swam for around 70 mins to swim around 5 or 6 kms. She decided on her own that this was the race she wanted to take part in and she enjoyed it. None of her friends participated in the race. But she swam well. Then came the stressful exam time and the stupid thing called Math. I think Jispa will drop math as soon as she can. I don't know what to do - encourage her or not. Math is important but then - I want her to be happy. As a teen she needs to just enjoy her career whatever she chooses. Math or no math! I think I will encourage her to do anything she wants! Just that keeping math keeps her options open, but we will let that matter rest till the decision time comes.

In the end, her grades just came in and I was happy with her grades. She did well. Of course she is not first in her class but I told Jasmine, for a Mumbai Swimmer with a grueling schedule and a marathon medal winner - these results are top class. If I don't take these results and be happy then I am an ass. Jispa - I am happy! officially. These are good results.

She has gone out for a camp and She will be back tomorrow. I would like to celebrate with her. She is getting a cell phone tomorrow. I repaired my cell phone (not so old a phone) which I discarded after I broke the screen twice. Its a cool phone. This also is I think something I pushed Jasmine. Not that she protested too much. But I think now 8th standard is good enough for a cell phone. But we are doing a cheap trick on this. We are giving phone but not yet giving data. She will get that at home and at friends place through wifi. hehehe. Jasmine and me are evil. We will burn in hell!

the ingredients of performance

Food is everything! Growing up, I did not realize the power of food to do what we need to do if we are to push ourselves. Our minds and our bodies are completely dependent on the food intake. I realize this quite late in life. I think I really started thinking about it when I think I started getting older and when I still wanted to play. I think it started with Squash. I started playing squash at the gymkhana and I realized that on certain days I played better and on certain days I was a disaster. I would get tired and couldn't well on certain days and one certain days I could go on and on like a Duracell battery. When I looked back, even the simple act of eating a humble vada pav, which is as unhealthy as it gets, made a difference in my game and my stamina. You need some fuel to burn. I think the other big one (I think I have blogged about it) was when many years ago I was amongst the last to bat while chasing a score. We lost the match as in the end I just had no energy left to bat or run or hit. I never did forgive myself. It was simple - I hadn't eaten proper lunch before joining for the match. By the time, I went to bat I had no energy. After that, I made it a point to eat and drink well before and during the match. The results played out very soon. At the fag end of my cricket playing days, I could be amongst the oldest but a tireless player, even over a 45 over match. I think one of my greatest cricketing feats was when in one 45 over match the team had scored enough in 20 overs and were 8 wickets down. I batted for 25 overs, without getting out and hardly scoring as well. But I stuck through. I think we won that one as the opposite team just went bonkers trying to get the last pair out. They spent all their energy just trying to bowl us out. And we just remain steadfast and kept them on the ground.

Food is extremely important. And water of course. Whenever I play badminton I take my water to the game and eat two small bananas. bananas are the best. When I don't have them I eat an apple, but in my experience, nothing does better for me than bananas. On certain days, I can feel the difference. on Monday, I went to play and forgot to eat properly. I had just half an apple. When I was playing I realized that something was wrong. My energy was failing and my game wasn't going too good. I was missing something. the shuttle was going in the right place and I had trouble concentrating in the shuttle. Then I realized - I hadn't eaten properly.

A couple of months ago I had started Pilates. Here also, I went after eating two bananas. The result - in my first class itself - I had to rush out to puke. Wow. Pilates is not so much about cardio as it is about really flexing your core, that includes your stomach. It was bad. I learned my lesson. Eat only one banana and that too, at least, an hour before. I ate something wrong once again and in one of the other classes, I puked again. Pilates is tough and you really squeeze your stomach while you push yourself. Also, I realized that this is not simple puke. I felt as if there was a bit of acidity that was also throwing itself out. It's a good kind of thing to vomit. It felt like a release of toxins. That's when I realized that sometimes the stomach is out of whack and it refuses to behave and perform under pressure. You have to control what you eat and when you eat. The simplest of all solutions for this morning acid during pilates is a shot of lime and honey in the morning. I also add that to the water and we are set. It hasn't happened when I have this combo.

Pilates is going just fine. The place where I go is actually a dance academy where all the kids who teach me are just that - kids learning dancing. When I interact wit these kids I realize that these kids have a passion for dancing and they really want to push themselves. They braved all odds to become dancers and they want to follow their dreams and their goals. They are simple kids with dreams and passions in their hearts and their eyes. You can see that. they want to do well. My teacher is a young boy of 20. Neeraj. Every time he tries his best to teach and asks me if all was great after the session. he wants to please and do better. He wants me to do better. He wants to set goals for me. He wants to push me.

That's a great thing most of the time, but a crazy thing on certain days. On the days when the other members bunk and I am the only guy, it's a crazy thing. While doing the exercises in a class, it's easy to cheat a bit. Take a little break, do a few fewer counts, relax a bit. But when you are the only one - it gets crazy. This Tuesday, I was the only one and for some reason, my stomach was not up to it. I think there was acidity. This is a killer combo. I could barely do much and he was on my case. he wanted me to do good. At the end, I had to plead and say not today. 

I get the feeling that they realize that I am an old man - twice their age - but I really try hard. I push myself and try to do the exercises. These have helped me. I feel the bulk in my shoulders and chest. I think I am growing strong. Simply by doing these freehand work and no weights. These kids and I have bonded well. It's a cute, uncle kiddo thing, where they push and respect me; and I push them around but still respect them. I can scold them and they scold me.

Speaking of which - Jispa is getting really tortured at swimming. They have really increased the workload and they have been pushing her to the brink. The workouts are really tough and strenuous. In addition, to swimming, they have started land training which looks a lot like the pilates I do. they also have a little weight training in the routine. Jispa gets rogered. I have given her a massage every night. Yesterday while I was massaging her, for the first time, I felt that she has serious biceps now. She always had tone but now I could feel bulk. Wow. She is fit and now she is getting strong. Really strong! I can see cuts with bulk. This is serious.

I was telling her, now you know what champions do and what they go through. Go Champion. this is your choice, you have chosen and now it's up to you to fulfill your dream. WOW.

pressure cooker

I hate myself. What a devil I turn out to be when I am teaching Jispa under exam pressure. It becomes a pressure cooker environment and the whole thing is just about to burst.

I hate exams. I hated them as a child and I hate them as an adult. Everything you know or don't know is left to the two hours in which you vomit out everything who have tried to assimilate. It designed to give joy to the sadist bloody exam setter who tries to outsmart the poor kid by asking some weird questions. Joy in failure.

I love teaching. I enjoy teaching. I was dying to have a kid to whom I could teach everything I knew. this blog in many ways is an expression of my teaching. I have been teaching for 13 years, and all the while improving and hoping that my own kid will take the best out of it. But then came the exams. When exams are on the head and you have to teach against a portion with a view to out fox or merely keep up with the exam paper - the pressure turns on you. You are expected to teach to succeed. How is that the right way to teach. The best way to teach is to get someone to discover, to find out, to fall and rise again. here formulas and shortcuts and rules are to be applied. I have been teaching math for the last few weekends. I have improved  a lot in my ability to manage myself. I hate myself when I am teaching Jispa thus. I lose my temper, I lose my balance, I get aggressive with myself more than anything else.

This time, I have improved a lot. A lot less anger expressed. A lot more explanations and lot more ways to do things. In time and work studies, with Jispa, we figured out our own logic for solving sums. Use  simple logic basis how you fundamentally understand the sum and then do it.

I remember that in the 10th standard, I had devised my own way to calculate the answer to the sums given. I preferred to do it my way and I had spoken to my teachers about it. My tuition teachers and my school teachers. both agreed and encouraged me to do it my way. As long as I did it my way and explained the way I did it, it was right. the 10th standard mathematics were the best time of my study life. I loved doing it and it brought be great joy. It was not math but logic. It was not a formula but a problem to be solved. I was so good at it that in many cases I knew the answer as soon as I saw the sum. Then on it was just a simple solution. The logic in math excited me.

These weekends have been too stressful. Though it's gotten better. I have gotten better at handling this. A five-day work stress followed by a pressure cooker of a weekend is something I find too much to bear. I try and cope with it but it gets too much. Many things contribute - first the sleep deprivation of the week thanks to Jispa’s swim schedule and then the pressure of work, then the long driving, the meetings, the extra backup work I try and do to stay relevant and then the teaching at colleges, the pilates class - wow. Sometimes I think I might just spontaneously combust. Poof!

Jispa has moved her swimming trying to another club. This is the GAF club run by a swim father who wants to bring to India some of the best methods from around the world. So Jispa now has a punishing swim schedule like she has never ever done before. Plus She swims for 6 days in a  week. Plus she has land training where she does some grueling workouts. Looking at her swim and looking at her being dead, I felt really bad and had to fight out a bit of salty water from my eye. I don't my daughter to do this. I have had various chats with her. Do you really want to do this? I want her to quit and relax. Read a book, watch  movie, dream under the sky. Anything else will do.

Yesterday we had a chat again. She said, she really wanted to swim well and compete at the nationals. She wants to go there and be there once. She says that this year is her best chance. She WANTS to do it.

I thought about it and then told her “ fine. you want to do this then go do it. For the next four to five months - go for your swim. Do what it takes. I promise you that I will not ask you for your studies and for your academics. I will work with you on studies and push you to do your best in swimming.” On Friday, I had used my daddy veto power and decided to not send her for the morning swim as she was looking very tired. Now I won't do that. I will let her push herself, massage her and manage her to get her swimming first. With that, her this year of studies will get a bit of a hit. But that is ok. Her basics are strong and her ability to study and keep up shouldn't be compromised. I will figure this with her and help her manage.

Writing is therapy. I have not been writing and I have had very little time to introspect. Writing helps me do that. While I write I and forced to think about what I really hold close to my heart. I hold being a fun dad more important than being a ‘successful’ dad. I want to watch a few movies with my kid, watch some kabaddi and watch some clouds. And hopefully, in the process teach and learn at the same time. Writing this post and helped my strengthen my beliefs. I have been  an ass, a jerk and I want to change that. I know the answer, I know what to do. I just have to take a chill pill. I have to believe in myself and remind myself on what I hold dear. I hold happiness dear. I want not love and teach what is right and not what the examiner wants. I want to tell them screw you - I want Jispa to win without bowing down to these jokers. I don't want pressure on her… anything more than what she puts on herself.  She has enough pressure to start with - peer pressure, self-belief pressure, confidence pressure....So help me God. Really help me so.

Wake up Dandu

When we were growing up the standard reading diet for a teen was Archie Andrews. This was the ultimate American Dream being lived by all of us growing up. A place where you could date multiple girls and where boys and girls could wear their hearts on their sleeves and you had a hang out joint where you met friends had high sugar high fat stuff to eat and drink and generally hang out and a really cool school with a track and field team. When Karan Johar made the smash hit ‘Kuch Kuch Hota Hai” in (i think )- 1998, the first part of the story was a really cool set up  where the college was straight out of an Archie set up. he admitted to it as much. One protagonist with two women, each lady very different from the other. One was the tom boy who Archie really loved but did not know, the other was the bombshell who Archie desired but was not meant to really love. One boy straddling two women together at the same time and getting away with it. The ultimate urban love story.

In Archie it was Betty who wrote a diary regularly and it always started with Dear Diary. It brought about a personal recollection of stories and happening through the day as betty told her diary. Her diary was a living friend whom she spoke to, whom she fooled sometimes and used stories to explain her view. She never cried into the diary. The diary was always a fun friend to whom a lot can be spoken.

It had fired imagination of us kids and writing  diary was a cool thing to do but i don't think anyone had the patience and discipline to write in it everyday. I think i wrote one post or one rant or something. But nothing really much more than that.

I am reminded of that today as I write my post today and I was wondering that I never did write any blog addressing to my blog as Dear Blog. My blog has not been my friend or my confidant in that sense. It was been me talking to me, or a speech to someone or a chat with Jispa. Its not been a place where i share my intimate secrets or thought process. It is an open source of my learnings. Its a weird thing as compared to a diary.

Blogs came into fashion long ago and now are out of fashion. I think easier creative experiences and sharing of one’s woes, happiness and other emotions are easier on Facebook or Twitter. And to add  - it can be done with a simple photo of ones experiences through the day. Anywhere and everywhere. I think the rise of Facebook has been the demise of the blog. And more than even sharing - its the act of discovery that these social sites make easy. Easy if often equated with lazy and i resist the temptation of calling it lazy discovery. Every generation sees its next having a easy time over what it found a difficult thing to do. Its just easier and that is something they cant understand and hence the standard moniker is to call it lazy! Kids are so lazy these days and its all this new tech thats spoiling them! But I think its not the same thing. I think they may be getting more sedentary but that is different from lazy. They just do different things. Not that I support sedentary. It has its own share of issues to be tackled with. Sedentary activity causes really bad muscle behavior. Like - take the example of my nephew.

I joined pilates class for my back and to strengthen my core. I do my fair share of cardio with enough badminton through the week, but its the core thats getting missed out in the process. The back and tummy area that doesn't get enough attention. After joining here I realized that its also the shoulders and upper arms also that need attention. My legs have always been strong and muscular, its my upper body that needs works. And thanks to this i have seen myself toning up a bit. Its nice to have a slighter fitter 40 year body than what i had when I was 35. Stamina, strength and muscles are a complicated set of things, all acting in different directions. All must be taken care of.

So after joining here, I have been talking and trying to convince whoever I can about the benefits of this exercise. Once I had a chat with my nephew from Jasmine’s side of the family. I saw him putting on weight and a paunch to match. He was only in the 12th standard. The guy is complete slob. We call him ‘dandu’ after his surname “Dand”. So dandu was growing a tummy and had a real ugly body structure. A thin boy with an ugly paunch. I urged him to start some exercise. I told him about pilates and how I am loving it. His mom too wanted him o go and get some blood flowing. Dandu boy was a real sloth bear. All he would do was hibernate and vegetate. he would only be the champion in things that required him to do while sitting down. Jispa and me joke that this is an old Dand trait. They sit and relax, thats what they like to do. Eat fatty foods like cheese and milk and sit. Activity is lost on a Dandu. So when dandu agreed to come the next day morning I was surprised. Waking up was one battle and waking up to get blood flowing was another big death and rebirth. The next day he did wake up and come. Seeing him exercise has been an amazing experience. I cannot believe how a kid his age, who is not FAT can be so unfit. He cant touch his toes or even do basic stretches. He cant even basically imitate the actions of the instructor. He cant his basic leg exercises or stretch his legs. he definitely cont even do a plank let alone hold it for some time. He is a complete disaster.

I knew that was the last of him and he wasn't going to continue so i was surprised when i saw him in the next class. Then again - one more class… and again. He became regular!. It just been under a month since the boy has been coming but slowly he has started to like his class and he comes in by his own and wonder of wonder - his mom loves that he wakes up on his own at 6.30 am for 7 am class. WOW - thats an achievement of ‘dandunic’ proportions. Unthinkable.

So when i describe dandu and his horrible workouts to Jispa, we have a laugh. But overtime, i say that I also add - this boy has got my serious respect. He knows he is bad. He knows he is pathetic and he knows that in the end he can give up. But he still comes and still tries. He comes in at 7 am to push his body to impossibilities of a plank position. he wakes up on his own. Seriously he has my respect. So while he is absurdly funny while working out, he is still in my eyes worthy of respect of the highest order. I am bettering fitter than him. i have an incentive to wake up - rather an IMPERATIVE to wake up. i have to take Jispa to the swim lesson. Then i have another incentive - i have a bad back which i have to work on. Then i have always been fond of sports and work outs and I love exercise. None of these apply to Dandu. He has no such imperatives and yet he comes. He comes.

of course it early days yet. Hardly a month. But still within that I see no complains and no resistance. He is trying and its tough on him, but he smiles at the end and somehow he is enjoying it. Wow.

I think if by some slimmer of a chance if I reform one Dandu from the family and get him to move his butt, twice a week in the morning, that would be a magnificent achievement. Its going to go on my CV! Go dandu go. For God, For Country and for your double cheese burst pizza. Go.

Bonus - my instructor doing his stuff for youtube!

he wants to be have a six pack in a few months and a hand stand in 12 months. Amen to him!

brain wash?

This weekend Jispa went for a birthday party. It wasn't actually a party. Just a get together of close friends for some time out. Most of the time, when these girls get together, we parents wonder what they do behind closed doors. The door has to be closed with them in a room, when they are having a ‘party’. Whenever any adult opens the door, the only thing they see is that the girls are on mobile phones. Either they are together on one or they are on their own individual ones - but the point remains the same. They come together only to be in their own world. the parents go nuts on this.

I am beginning to understand this as a reality and that this will happen. There is no force as stronger than the mobile screen with an internet connection. This will rule and the kids will move in that direction. I wonder when we mean irritating parents will give Jispa a mobile phone. Currently at these parties she takes the iPod and does her thing on it. My individual opinion is that it must be allowed and how long can we really resist it. Soon we will lose sight of our daughters face and we will only recognize it by the mobile cover, whose back we will see at all times.

So yesterday, Jasmine at the dinner table remarked “yesterday, Jispa went for a birthday party. She did not have a gift or a greeting card or anything in her hand. She just went on her own”. I looked like i couldn't care less. I think parties and birthday greetings are a complete waste of everything! “then Jispa said” Jasmine continued “that she will post something to her on her birthday”. I was like fat chance. Jispa was not going to post any greeting card or anything. I am sure there is no way Jispa will mail a card to her friend or write a letter/ greeting. Then Jasmine and Jispa looked at me. POST does not mean POST as I understood it. Jispa would “POST” something on the Instagram feed! WTF. POST. I feel like a complete loser. Whats the point being a marketing head who claim to fame is digital integration, if he does not even understand what ‘POST’ signify. Sees.

Then then conversation soon moved to something else and Jispa was talking about what a ‘taaweez’ was. She said that basically its a prayer that you write and wear it on your body. Yes, muslims have this tradition of wearing a taaweez. I had seen a student of mine wear one around her hand. I think, I am not sure, but its a sufi kind of thing. Even non muslims wear this. then she asked even if ‘raksha potlis” have a prayer. Rakshapotlis are the jain version of the taaweez. They are red threads along which a little red cloth is tied. I never did know what they contained. Jispa asked if its a prayer. I said, for sure its not… I have opened one and it doesn't contain a prayer for sure. Its just little red cloth tied on a red string.

A quick online search tells me that it contains some holy ash (i didn't know jains had special reverence for fire) and that is put along with special chanting of prayers to the red cloth and then made into a rakshapotli. 

The I told her that as a kid, i really believed in the power of a rakhsapotli. I thought it would protect me and save me from a lot of things. I thought that it held special powers and that God would be on my side. She looked at me and remarked “you were such a brainwashed kid, weren't you”. Jasmine and me practically choked on our food. “Jispa you have no clue. We have purposely not taught you religion else you would have been brain washed ourselves. Its lucky for you that we have unwashed our head from all this brain wash.” Jispa disagreed. She said most of her friends in class are non believers and don’t believe in all this. I don't think the number is as high as 50%, but i grant her that. When i bought about he remark, I guess it possibly is true.  A lot more would be non believers today than what would have been when i was younger. Possibly today life is mare more practical and scientific. Slowly as we see economies growing and people getting educated with science and math, practicalities and scientific temper should pave the way for a less religion society. Its possibly a natural evolution. First as you are poor, you are too poor for religion. Then you are poor enough to understand religion and that some mystery will guide you. Then you become richer and you keep your kids rooted to religion and then as kids take their life’s predictability for granted they slowly understand that religion was not responsible for it and slowly - this mix of science and predictability brings about a non belief. So economic status brings about predictable life, which brings about change in belief. Thats one theory I guess.

So yes, we were brain washed as kids. I did believe in divinity and that it could help me someday over come the power of the forces around me. It took enough of shit and set back to understand that you are responsible for your own shit creek. The more you look inside of you, the better it will be for you. God may be an external force to focus upon and rely upon to make sense of a world . Fatalistic behavior may help you reconcile with your externalities but I don't think divinity helps. You decide your own path, your own morals and your own lines and boundaries. Hopefully you don't harm too many people along the way. As long as you only kill dogmas you should be good!

yo!

just as an aside - here is one trailer that we saw and now Jispa and us want to see the movie 

I love the trailer - with the voice of Kaa being the lead voice of the trailer. Wow… I am queuing up for this one.

Its a nice thing that Jispa like the super hero movies, like Avengers and X man. With new scripts and amazing special effects these are movies worth waiting for and watching on the big screen!

Finally!

links

This weekend i got an SOS from my niece. “JD we need to meet”.

I am amongst the youngest in my side of the family. Dad was i think around 11 years younger than his eldest brother and 7 from the number two. Mom was the second last of the 6 siblings. I turned out to be the last in my own family. So from both sides, there were only two siblings younger than me. One sis who was actually just a month younger and one sis who was a couple of years younger. Ahead of me was an entire army.

While I am not an expert of the Freudian theories of young experiences shaping adult life, I think my great desire to help everyone, teach everyone, coach everyone - seems to be stemming form this. 

I have always wondered why it gives me so much joy to teach, help, captain and coach. As a young kid i was bullied around quite a bit by my cousins. i was never taken seriously by brother and sister. I don't think they take me seriously even now. For them I was always a pesky guy doing all sorts of wrong things and embarrassing them. I thought I was pretty smart as a kid as well. I had a heightened sense of whats wrong and whats right. To add fuel to fire, i had a fearless disposition that wanted to stand up for what i believed in. the final nail in the coffin was the ability to argue. So now, I could argue forever what I believed in, irrespective of who you were. Your pedigree did not matter. So I was the argumentative idiot everyone did not want to talk to. Especially not siblings! they are not designed to understand they are wrong. Even more so when you don't have a diplomatic bone in you.

But that does not mean I could not think. i could think and i could understand, i just did not know how to put things across. How to explain, how to understand both points of view and how not to embarrass people. The big thing in an argument is to try and not get onto the other guys ego. Because once thats done, you will end up with a joker who refuses to see your opinion and whatever you say is nothing but an argument. 

So thats how i went through life growing up. As an underdog. I don't think things improved too much at work. I learnt how to handle people by trailing error and by getting my butt kicked. The big one also happened over a long period of time - teaching. Over the last 13 years I have been teaching in some form or the other in colleges. This keeps me engaged and more importantly I understand how to deal with really irritating and nasty kids! Kids are great, they have no obligation to like you or to listen to you. they don't want to listen to you. They are free to dream, free to think and free to hate you. Taking them along with you on your lectures, discussing, dreaming, firing imagination - its a tough job. On certain days I do a better job than others. One certain days - i am a drab. But at least I learn how to teach, to explain, to think.

I really like to help people by talking them, discussing issues with them and generally having a chat with them. At first when I realized I had adequate power that age and experience gave me, i tried solving every issue that people faced. Giving people quick fixes and solutions. One book “if you meet buddha on the road, shoot him” made me realize that I couldn’t solve issues. I couldn't give solutions that work, i can only explain my issues, my dreams and my learnings. I talk about what i see around me an hope that inspires others to see their issues in this new light.

So when my niece texted me and wanted to meet, I was ready. Of course I could help. Of all that i have helped in the past, i have felt that my own kin have not used me as much as they can or should. Now that i am older, the second generation is something that can use me. For them possibly, I am still young enough and old enough at the same time, or i dare say - cool enough.

After the conversation, I was telling Jasmine that, this is really stupid. Thanks to the shit in the family politics we cousins never did come close. On both sides - the cousins just drifted apart. We hardly had any social interactions when we grew up. We basically did not even know the others even existed. the second generation was lost on us completely. Jispa would not even know 50% of her second cousins.

To grow you cant live in a vacuum. You need social structures and fabric to hold you. You need them to refer you to their networks and create a net that works to your advantage. this niece also managed to reach out to me for a marketing problem because I was know well to her elder sister. Her elder sister would go to college in the same train that I would use to go to work. Thats where our friendship grew. She then became a dentist and we stayed in touch. 

Also came the Facebook effect. I post regularly on FB when we travel and on and off otherwise. This also helps me be in touch with the second gen. These loose connections with the kids keeps the connections alive. 

I wish we had tighter connections with the cousins. I wish our parents, even if they fought with each other, kept the connections with the kids alive. I wish we met more often, stayed with each other more often and grew up together. This is an essential social fabric that must not be compromised. It can create magic.

Its funny that I preach this. When was younger, it was cool not to bother about relations. It was cool to dis them and to not go to functions. there is some truth about functions. Relations are about everyday small interactions, not just simply marriage function presence for people you don't even know or care about. If we simply had smaller tighter relations with a higher frequency we would have been able to have different equations with our cousins.

I think here Facebook and Whatsapp plays a very good role. It allows us to have a long list of weak connections that are emotionally connected thanks to the pictures or jokes or groups that we are a part of. this may not help as much as building connections but makes the invisible walls easier to scale. So no matter what people talk about it and criticize it, these social networks being there online have changed things and they are here to stay. So tighten up and embrace them, and use them to further your old school ties and keep them connected.

Till then i get great pleasure in meeting my young nieces and nephews and talking to them, learning from them and them from me. What more could i ask for? - well More of the same!

Firework!

Joining a start up has so far been the craziest experiences I have experienced in a long time. The energy and the pressure is real and everyday. It attacks you and forces you to push hard. It left me no time at all to do anything. Days have been long and arduous. I have been working on 12 hour days with my brain working overtime. I have had a crazy experience. This time I have been able to use all my old man experience to do everything that i wanted to do. Push sales, drive marketing, put structures, change stuff, mentor people, and …. fundamentally use all the experience that i have to push the business. no complains. But the poor blog suffers and that is something i get hurt on. After writing this for so long, I have a deep emotional attachment to this blog. besides help me pass on something to Jispa, i think this blog has fundamentally changed me, helped me think, helped me distill my thoughts and i think this bit of writing has changed me forever. It funny how just the simple task of writing regularly helps a person think. It has also helped me capture some beautiful moments in parenting Jispa.

Like this new one. Ever since Jispa grew a little bit till she decided she wanted to wear shorts and shorts and some more shorts. It took a lot of issue raking from us to get her to adopt jeans. At least a couple of jeans in her wardrobe. Its not that we are too prude but Jispa’s shorts are a little bigger than her swimming costume. Its nice that she is comfortable in them but she just cant wear them everywhere. Once in school when there was casual day, she wore her shorts and the teacher got her to borrow a skirt or something from a friend and she had to change into them. Lets say there is a movie to go to, shorts don't work as its going o be cold there. And then there are places that i don't want her to be going wearing shorts, simple. So jeans have to be there in your wardrobe.

If trousers area  big issue then dresses have been a complete no no for quite a few years now. She will not wear a dress, ever. No matter which party, which occasion or whatever the need. She had a no dress wear policy. I have tried to buy her a dress for some occasion or the other but it has largely failed. We simply gave up thinking that our kid was a tom boy. There is no way in hell that she will buy or wear a dress. Give up. Simple. Jasmine and I used joke that we wanted a girl so that we could dress her up and see her dressed up, all girlie with a dress and some earrings, clips, etc… We joked about how stupid we were and how silly our views and dreams were. Reality is so different.

But when you are the parents of a growing girl, you should be ready for almost anything. Anything can change and anything is possible. This weekend, in the sale season, we went shopping for - believe or not - dresses! Oh man WTF. I was so confused. What happened to my baby. Why would she want a dress? Jasmine explained that now in many parties and in many places the dress code is now a dress and she has to wear a dress many times, and hence the transformation. There was one party (an informal one) of a close friend where they just simply went on their own to Starbucks. we have known that family since Jispa was three years old. The mother of the birthday girl insisted that Jispa wear a dress and see gave her a dress to wear from the friends wardrobe. Needless to add - she looked pretty and everyone else loved it and commented on it. I think that was the turning point. I am not so sure if Jispa sees it that way or admits as much, but that to us was the point.

So now we went shopping for dresses. Its not easy for a swimmer to get a dress that suits her. Jispa has broad shoulders and the girls clothing are not designed for some one with a broad shoulder, muscular hands and a flat stomach. Its designed for podgy girlies. So Jispa has a little difficult time buying a dress. She needs them a little tight at the waist but a little loose at the shoulders. Her sleeveless ones work but they make her look really muscular! Wow. She is also a swimmer. She is comfortable in a swimming costume and hence she is comfortable in short dresses as well. So a little long dress is not what she likes for now.

So we shopped and shopped. One thing i remember as a child was not having enough money to go shopping for clothes. I couldn't buy what I wanted and liked. I don't want that for Jispa. Her dad has managed at least that much money that she can go shopping, at reasonable places, and definitely when a sale is on. Just one thing i remarked to Jasmine when we were shopping and had us in splits "first she wants to buy a dress and then she rejects half the designs  because they are too dressey"

So this weekend, wonder of wonders, we bought three dresses, and then i realized that how expensive my dreams of a girl could get. After we bought the dresses, we had to buy matching footwear. She cane wearing chapels on dresses. So we went and bought a black and a beige pair of shoes to match her dresses. luckily i think she can get away by wearing Jasmine’s accessories and raiding that drawer. Jasmine and Jispa keep fighting when Jispa uses Jasmine’s stuff. I am sure Jasmine wants to share he stuff with Jispa but i suspect its limited to what all she can use but in the end she must take care and put it back. Its going to be an uneasy relationship. I think i must budget for an accessory drawer for Jispa alone. Then only will peace prevail in the Doshi household.

And this video form a song that I learnt from Jispa best exemplifies whats happening in a teenagers mind. From Kate Perry’s album named (oh god) “teenage dream” is  among called Firework. It says - ‘baby you are a firework!’ . See the video and you get whats going on in a young teen’s head.

life made me a sceptic

I am reading a book about the Mossad. The Mossad is the legendary secret service arm of the Israli government. When I grew up I heard stories about it. About how it would carry out assignments in secrecy and often in foreign countries. They would assassinate foreign rivals and bring terrorists back from their lair. It is often considered amongst the best in the world.

When I was younger I wanted to join the armed forces and serve my ‘motherland’. I almost scoff at the prospect of doing that today. What luck. Today I quite aware of my duties as a citizen of my country but I am very clear as to the level of jingoism that I am willing to imbibe in myself as a civilian. With the current safforan wave running through the country with a right wing nationalist at the helm of affairs, the junta or more popularly known as ‘bhakts’ are doing enough in their power to piss of secularists like me. In fact the secularists are going crazy and leaning far left or wherever they can rest their tired shoulders. They are doing such a bad job of it that they are almost comical and to be  a secularist today is to be labelled as unpatriotic and definitely unpopular.

I as always try to keep my political leanings to myself. What I love is that many interesting publications are coming up online and they have very very interesting views. Of course every publication is being labelled right wing or left or anti modi or anything that you would want to label them as they oppose your point of view. I don’t care about their labels and I read all of them online. Whatever great article comes in, I want to read it and take it on face value. It doesn’t make sense to think too much about it. So at a party I only talk about the lovely long form content that’s coming up online and the amazing tie I have reading about views and counter views form very articulate and ‘knowledgeable’ writers.

So neither right nor left nor centre enthuses me much but they definitely enthral me. I love their posturing and positioning and the way they twist and turn to fit into a mould that works for them. In all of this the sceptic in me is very clear. I am sceptical of all you jokers. Scepticism is what makes me level headed and clear and I see the propaganda for it is – just propaganda. In fact this year again, Jispa had to write an essay for the HT competition and this times topic was ‘what is the one thing she cannot live without’. She made a list of things, including freedom, selflessness etc… one word among her list was interesting – it was scepticism. She was wondering about it and I liked it. It made perfect sense. I sat with her and helped her write her essay. But these days with the new job, I am home pretty late, so this time I had no patience to help her frame it and I ended up doing exactly what I was not supposed to do. I ended up writing a lot of it myself. My only saving grace is that she came up with the topic herself. But it was clearly not the right thing to do – but it was the fastest way to do it and I capitulated. Bah!

So I am sceptical of everything these days.  And when I read the book on Mossad, I was sceptical as hell. In fact, funnily I was repulsed by them. Far from being inspired. Any way I look at it, it smacks of state sponsored terrorism. They went after the Nazis who escaped, well after the war was over and the debts paid. People were building a united Europe and people were moving on with their lives. The Mossad went after those who escaped, brought some of them back to face trial and some – some of them were executed in cold blood. They went after many terrorists fighting against Israel. They kept the Palestine people under their thumb and were very clear about their objectives… we are there for the Jews all over the world. For the cause of Jews world over! Under management principals – their core purpose is something I will put on a slide. A simple mission so purposefully executed. It’s the right thing to do. But the sceptic in me sees something else – it sees a power that is extra judicial. It sees that their means to their purpose is so wrong. The framing of their purpose is wrong. It should be peace to the world in which the Jews live in. Co-existence and peace is not their mission. Jew welfare at all cost in many ways seems to be their goal.

I know that it easy to preach peace to a country surrounded by enemies waiting for a sign of weakness. They are surrounded by people who want them out, who want to annihilate them. But still – everlasting peace is possibly built on the premise of forgiveness and what’s good for the world at large.

Those supporting the Mossad will say that their presence and their work contributes to the peace and the reservation of unbridled aggression from their neighbours. Their presence in many ways is required and they have contributed to thwarting wars – but still – I am a sceptic - after reading about them, I am sorry – I am not impressed. They are nothing but a terrorist organisation with state funding. In the long run, it will contribute to more shit hitting the roof and greater bad. Not good.

When I start questioning the Mossad, it time to acknowledge that I am complete turncoat, from a guy who wanted to join the army to someone who questions people’s patriotic credentials, I have turned a complete 180 degrees. Life does that to you. It did that to me. I think I am wiser for it, happier for it.

to the point

My CV is weird. I have had a long stint in one firm and lots of small stints in many firms. So looking at the CV its impossible to know if i am a long term player or a short term player. My last stint was 11 years in one company. It of course helped that the firm kept giving me new challenges and businesses with which to work on. But in the end leaving it was not a hard decision but an emotional one. Not so much on the firm but on the people and the team i left behind. I miss them the most. Then I joined a firm and did exactly what I did 11 years ago. Left it in a span of three months. Left it.

I don't know if i am fickle or if I am decisive. To me if the firm is not working out and the place is a sham then its best to leave as soon as possible. If you know that the culture is not going to work or that the growth is not what you wanted and the long term prospects aren't what they seemed to be then one must leave fast. Whats the point in wasting time. So when I see that this is not what i wanted to do to start with, its time to leave. 

I see that as decisive. Its not a change of heart, its a clarity of thought.

So now I am with a new firm and being really busy trying to solve new issues and learning a lot, doing a lot. So far so good. 

wake up - your journey is calling you

In the hero’s journey, the hero is reluctant to do something new that is unfamiliar. There is a call to action whichteh Hero denies. then afters me consideration or an external force or event pulls him into the journey where he is ready for something new and exciting. He lets go of the old and the is ready to embrace the new. He is faced with numerous tasks or obstacles that he must over come in order to reach his goal. He meets people who help him as well as distract him. He carries on - till a point comes where he there is a trial by fire. he must be ready to die in order to faceted ultimate truth… the ultimate sacrifice is needed for the ultimate elixir. but then that is just half the story. the hero once achieved his goal is lost in the magical world. He then needs to come back and face the real life. He is assisted by others in his return and finally when he does return, he needs to spread the wisdom he learnt amongst others to give back to society and complete is journey as the hero. that is the Hero’s journey - the mono myth. 

This blog in many ways is about the various journeys that Jispa undertakes, in her quest to grow up and the journey we as parents take as a part of the same process. When i Started the blog one of the entries was Jispa getting to sleep by herself in the new home. To give her strength there were Ganapati’s stationed to help he along her journey and help her complete it. You can read the blog here… http://jaimit.blogspot.in/2006/11/heros-journey.html.

Then there are many blogs that celebrate her journey but this sleeping on her own is one recurring journey that refuses to end itself. She loves sleeping in the same room with us and she will do any ruse to achieve it. As she has grown up she has woken us many times in the night on some pretext or the other. In the middle she would try any trick to come and snuggle up and sleep beside me. But slowly these got lesser in frequency. But whenever thanks to the heat when we did get the AC running, we would get Jispa’s bed in and get her to sleep in the same room. It was good old middle class mentality of saving electricity, rather than having to switch both the air conditioners of the home. When ever this happens she like a tiger who has tasted blood will then try every ruse to stay sleeping in the room, even when there is no need of the AC. The last few days, she tried coming back to sleep inside our room again. She requested, she complains, she makes bunny eyes, whatever. We are heartless parents who are immune to the task.

A couple of days back she came in the middle of the night and woke me up by poking me in the back. What the hell… i got up and semi scolded her. That hurt, Jispa. She wasn't getting sleep. i shooed her away. go back and try and sleep. You stay in bed and you will get sleep. There was nothing I could do. the next evening also she came in before going to bed saying she wanted to sleep with us. Oh god Jispa, Go away. Shoooo….

So she went away and suddenly in the middle of the night when i turn around - lo and behold… Jispa is sleeping next to me. The bed we have is not a king size bed. It can take in three of us and Jispa is a 90% adult size person. This doesn't work. So i wake her up and tell her to go. She is now old enough to simply refuse. I am too tired to wake her up and insist so i get back to sleep again. But my sleep is now disturbed especially since i cant get much space to move around. So i wake up again in some time and this time insist that she goes back. She just flatly refuses and says that she will sleep in the corner and take less space but she is not going back. Oh dear. This she knows is an old weak spot of mine. I dont really like sending her away when she comes in the night. In the past as well, she would always wake me up when she knew i was likely to just simply tell her to get in the bed beside me. That was the time, she wouldn't go to mom but strategically come around and tell me.

Next day I asked Jasmine if she knew Jispa was sleeping with us. Jasmine said that she realised only in the morning when she woke up. But Jispa did come in the night to tell her she wasn't getting sleep and Jasmine promptly shooed her away. Then i asked Jispa if she tried waking me. She just tried a little and then promptly decided to simply sleep next to me. She did not remember refusing to go away.

There goes the journey and there goes the hero. This is the case of the hero just coming back and deciding to go through the same circle again and again. Kaun hero and kaun journey? She is obviously having a fun time.

monomyths. journeys, theories like these are amazing glamourised versions of what really happens. in real life the hero does not even having armour, forget it being shiny, its a scrappy fight in a mud pond with a pig and then once he comes out there is an ocean waiting fluff sharks and then on and on. Nothing really ends. There are innumerable fights and scraps to be involved in.  So many times you look back and see - the same story plays itself over and over again. Inspite of the thought that you have had that this is now done and dusted - never again you say; but life will keep serving the same dish back to you …

These theories are in a way inspirational. As Jispa once answered about the Pandora’s box. Hope is something that Jupiter purposely put along with suffering. Suffering is real and the ultimate answer to suffering is simply death. but hope keeps us alive and willing to undergo suffering over and over again. These stories are about hope and suffering. you undergo suffering knowing that there is hope, that you are simply in a hero’s journey. that you will face failure and face rehjection, dejection and defeat. But redemption is simply a corner away. It inspires you to do more with what you have and to achieve more in the hope of coming out from a cycle, alive and wise. The hope that you don’t have to go trough it again. 

bus yehi lahani hai… the wise people go through life, get lucky, get rich and sprout gyan. Then the lesser mortals just simply listen and hope that there is a way out of their own miserable lives, not knowing that the spouters of gyan are living in many ways live miserable lives themselves. But we want that misery, not ours. It is the misery of the haves and not of the have nots.

Hah! So thats the circle of life. I love the theory of the Hero. it is easily amongst my favourite theories. it makes sense and it gives inspiration and hope. It allows for a glorious struggle in all walks of lives. It tells you that whether you like it or not, whether you are willing or not, you live have a journey. Your everyday struggles are nothing but journeys in which you are the hero in which you have to go about the process of failing and rising again - till you come out of the cycle and spread the message to the others and help them in their journeys. it just so much meaning in what you do everyday. Including waking up your dad in the middle of the night by poking him in the back and giving him no place to sleep. Thats the most meaningful thing a kid could ever do to a dad who wakes up at 5am. Thats a journey of his herohood.

war holiday

So the fight between a super hero and world war wages our house as we order the movies to see over the weekend. Jispa never saw the X men with me and now we have to see the Xmen series all over again. I now try to watch all the movies that I wanted to, especially if its gotta do with world war. I love the movies set in the backdrop of the world wars, and the ones that were made in the 60s and 70s were nice enough for me to watch with Jispa. So we got two movies over the weekend. We were to see mine first but then Jispa comes to me saying - lets see the X men first and then I could see mine when she would be doing her home work on Sunday morning.

I was like - why - why would you not want to see the movie. She answers that she has seen enough of war movies. Which ones had she seen, to start with. She described a couple that we have seen over the last two years! Oh damn you. but you enjoyed them, did you. 

well she won and i gave in. We started watching the X men which i had already seen but, i was ok watching it again. Twice is not a bad thing. This was X Men - the final stand.

Since we started the movie early on Saturday evening, we had the chance to catch my movie as well. This was ‘the great escape’. the movie released in 1963 was about Prisoners of war trying to escape a camp they were housed in. It was based on a true story set in 1944. Wow. The prisoners actually dug three holes and finally used one to escape from the camp. Without giving too much away, I loved the bold audacious target of the prisoners of trying to get 250 of themselves to escape. Jasper eventually sat through the movie and enjoyed it. As usual she asked me a few questions through the movie. She never just learns. Every time she doesn't want to see the movie with me and then she will end up liking it. I know her choice of movies and I know she will end up liking it in the end, but she just likes to act up. 

I am sucker for war movies and in them world war II holds a special interest. I am quite amazed that as boys we should have loved the world wars and the all the excitement and interesting history around it but it was taught so badly in school with the text books being a complete sham. I only remember learning by rote the salient features of each of the world wars. Such a wasted opportunity. No real discussion on the wars, the factors that led to them, the aftermath, the politics, the huge development in science and warfare in general, the human suffering on colossal proportions and everything else that went with it. To my mind - the world wars by themselves left such an important mark on humanity as far as contemporary history is concerned, they alone are enough for one full year of history, allowing for ample discussions on it.

For me WWII is far more interesting than WWI. I hardly know anything about WWI but i have read a fair bit about WWII.

Someday when I am older and retired and rich, my ideal holiday would be following the WWII battle field around the world. Staring from Germany to move to France and the Maginot line, going then to Paris, going to Austria and then moving to Stalingrad and then to the battle fields of Egypt, then to Italy, back to London and then on to Moscow, moving to Japan and then coming back home closer to Imphal. One long huge vacation. It will take one year of history reading and one year of researching the places and then atlas 90 days of travelling. It will include modern towns and villages, the beautiful Eagles nest built as getaway for HItler to Auschwitz  concentration camps, to the sand dunes where Rommel fought, the Suez canal, the beautiful city of Paris that the last Nazi commander of the city, Dietrich Hugo Hermann von Choltitz supposedly refused to burn on Hitler’s order. This can be a really beautiful retirement gift to myself.

If I do retire that is. By birth I am a vaniya  which in other words is a banya.. which when added to my gujjuness will ensure that I never retire. I have to earn money all the time. My time is what I have and from that I have to profit. So retiring and seeing the world wont work. I have to get a jackpot and from that I have to do this trip and from then I have to get back to work. The idea is to save up a lot of money so that I can do this trip. Jasmine is not into history but to her credit she has no issues coming with me and figuring her bit. She is happy to come and listen or not… understand the significance or not… She enjoys the moment, the lesson, the story.. only to then let it pass by as if it were nothing. But this would be a fun 90 day trip. Minimum 90 days!

Grace

It is not possible to know the impact that a book may have on you in advance of you reading it. thats common sense. But i think its also impossible for you to estimate the impact of the book after you have read it. Its impossible. There are so many books that work in mysterious ways over your life. they sometimes just plant a small seed in your head that grows slowly. Very slowly. Then it plants itself in there and then another book comes along, another article perhaps, some life experiences, someone speaking, something… and the tree begins to take root. Then it starts questioning everything else you know or believed to be true.

So many people believe that I am a teacher. I teach and I give so much to people around me. I am constantly trying to teach, explain my experiences and make people understand. They think i teach to give back. Surely thats also what I thought when I started. Teach to give back to people. to the community, to the colleagues, to society blah blah. But today, i seriously doubt that premise. I dont think I teach because I am giving back. I think I teach because I enjoy getting far more than anything else.

Since 13 years I have been teaching in colleges. It has been an enriching experience. Of course it keeps me in some little way connected to the youth but more importantly thanks to teaching, i have been able to teach myself a lot of things. I like to teach a few things that over a period of time, i have known to have the maximum impact. These have become clear in my head as I taught them over and over again. So much so that when i first started out I needed the powerpoint slide as an aid to teach them, and now i know them from the back of my head. This helps me apply them in many ways. If you know the concept well enough, you can apply it many ways. This is a self fulfilling prophesy. Plus when I teach I automatically bring in some element of a book that i have recently read and the impact it has had on me. This i realised later is something that i do and it helps me understand the book even better. So i end up teaching all the time.

I can teach to anyone anywhere in whatever circumstances. I like teaching to any age group. In fact this pursuit of knowledge by giving it to start with (called teaching in normal parlance) has become my standard talking style. So general opinion ranting conversations become quite boring for me and i quickly turn off. So i start connecting only with a certain type of people. these are those who are equally in thirst of knowledge. Some, who are rapt listeners and ask questions from what I teach and some who build on where I talk and further enrich the conversation. These are the only two people I can have a conversation with for a long time. I love the guys who ask tough questions and push the bar on what i know. this helps me further clarify what i am thinking and help me further understand it. I am understanding the topic in its depth as I talk about it.

Most the time such conversations come from a book or a set of books that I have read and then they help me in understanding the concepts better. Then as I understand them, they form bigger opinions in my head and then they feed it in growing the tree. So a book might have a limited impact at the time but then the knowledge you realise is getting used a lot more, a lot of times and then you realise how important the knowledge is and how it affects your thinking. Way after you have read the book.

A weird series of books I read, in no particular order, made me a cynic of colossal proportions. As a kid I was a complete nationalist. I believed in the power of the Indian race. That we are Indians and we deserve to rule the world. I would stand for the national anthem when it was played on TV. I wanted to join the army and fight wars. I dreamt of fighting wars with our neighbours and i dreamt of global conquest. I think i was even enamoured by Hitler (only briefly I think). Of course i grew up not to respect Hitler, but my nationalist tendencies did not wane. Till a long time I knew that our great nation is … great! and that our mother country is well… our mother! Over a period of time i learnt that along with religion, the concept of nationhood is also a deeply flawed man made construct. People were divided on their nationalities and I rejected this distinction as a source of pride. I began to understand that things are not always what they seem and politicians can play a lot of games on their people to stay in power.

Then when I began talking about it, i realised which books helped me form that opinion. Of course everyone can definitely question the authenticity of the books, but then thats exactly the point - question the authenticity of everything you read or hear. The books I read impacted me in more ways than i thought was possible. From a loyal believer to a confirmed cynic. The book - confessions of an economic hit man and the second part that followed made me realise that yes possibly the big one sin power can convince people on a certain type of path of development that is beneficial to the big ones. Oil companies can work in huge monopolistic ways. Money can influence people to change their path of development and media can be manipulated to great effect. Even economists can be manipulated thus. So don't believe whatever you hear from the experts. Everybody has a vested interest.

Then I read about India and the excesses a democratic nation can inflict upon its people. I read - the case of the attack on the Indian Parliament. the indian parliament was illegally attacked while in session by terrorists and while all were shot, the result was an amassing on the border of a large number of military forces in a show of strength to go to war. Two nuclear nations were facing off. WTF. That doesn't make sense. The book brings case after case that possibly the whole attack was engineered by the government just as a ruse to amass troops and send the nation into a tizzy to build up patriotic fervour. The main reason - to win the nest election. The government had come into power after winning a war in Kargil and this was to be an encore. Wow. what a theory. Then i read about Kashmir - a lovely book called Curfewed nights by Bashrat Peer, about his growing up in Kashmir. Then about the naxal movement in a book called Hello Bastar and then another on kashmir called, until my freedom has come. this told me about the state of kashmir and how the government doesn't want us to know of so many things that happened there, in a bid to subjugate the people there. People in Kashmir dont see themselves as Indian or Pakistanis, they see themselves as Kashmiris and both the countries are trying their best to kill this independent feelings. Then i read another book that spoke about the feelings that Kashmiri Pandits have about Kashmir. This was a book called ‘our moon has blood clots’. This is an alternate view from Bashrat. 

These books come up many times in conversations and in my mind. It has helped me question everything. everything is simply a state of a mind looking at it. I have argued that reality is completely subjective. No one knows the truth, everything is merely an observation form a frame of reference. I never knew these books would impact so many thoughts of mine and the conversations i would have. With the state of world in constant turmoil, these conversations have increased. Right now in India we have a right wing government. So naturally there are skirmishes led by the far right and seculars are obviously appalled! there is a polarisation in the country between those who believe in our prime minister and those who completely question him. Its a fight between the bhakts and the disbelievers who end up trolling each other. In absence of a credible option to the right wing leader, the disbelievers have no option but to question everything without giving a viable alternative. This is great fun to a cynic like me. I see the jokes on all sides and enjoy the fun. I don't care either way. I did not vote! I don’t care.

to all the books that i have listed above, i want to add that i understood a lot about rightwing governments from the writings of Micheal Moore, a guy who really hated Bush and the Republicans who came into power in the US. He kept questioning all that they did. It was good fun. Then the book “rise of the third Reich “ about the rise of the Nazi party further explained how propaganda and nationalist fervour can be utilised by the politicians.

Wow. these books in some way together have helped me become a cynic. there rae many other books that have also helped - such ‘A real toy story’ about the market for children toys and “sugar, salt, fat” about food producers. Add to all this a book about Jainism and the conversations i have had with other Jains from that knowledge. Wow the formula works, the conversion is complete - i don't believe in anything anymore.

Its easy to be caught up in favour around you. Recently there were terror attacks in Paris. Now France has joined the bunch of western powers in bombing Syria against the rise of the islamic Nation group. Makes me question everything, especially the response. We keep killing each other. When a terrorist group strikes - their objective is to spread fear and terror. They want you to stop going to work, to stop partying, to stop roaming, to stop sightseeing, to stop you from spending and to stop your leisure. they want you to be miserable, cooped inside your homes. they want as much media coverage as they can get and the nation to be outraged. they want you to come after them and make them martyrs so that more such can be born for the seeds of hate. This is exactly what we give them. We get scared and give them media headlines and make a huge story out of it. The greatest response to something like this would be to have everything function just as normally as it would. Nothing must change, concerts must go on, matches must be scheduled and parties must be enjoyed. There is no disrespect to those died by having a partying soon after. In fact that is the ultimate tribute to the person who just got shot in the attack. This way you tell the perpetrator that I will not change by your behaviour. I will do what i think is right. If France was not taking a larger part in the attacks against the IS then this terror attack should not change its stance. Why should it. principals must be so driven by recent turn of events, no matter how powerful they may be. So now I wonder about these attacks.

In the face of attacks on violence can people show some grace? Its a very easy thing to say and a difficult thing to accomplish. Who can forgive whom and under what circumstances. If shit get thrown at you its almost impossible not to attack back. But how can you show grace is something we have to figure. Its a very weird stand that i take. the attacker must be stopped, if possible by using force, and after he must face the law - if it is to be hanged then that is it. But when we do carry out our actions in response to the attacker, can we show grace. Can we not hold our hearts with revenge and scream out for his blood. Can we merely follow the law but keep our hearts clean from revenge and further prejudice.

Recently I read about the Charleston killing where a young white boy entered a black church and killed nine people. He wanted to ignite a race war. The lovely bit came when one of the victims’s sister on the stand publicly forgave him. This prompted some others to forgive as well. It moved some people and some were outraged by it. Which really begs the question who is allowed to forgive whom. these are extremely tough issues and questions. When it happens to me will I show Grace? Grace that is genuine and that is real heart felt. Grace because I feel it from inside and not because I SHOULD feel it. 

its funny but this grace comes from a branch of cynicism, knowing that nothing is black and white. no one is really right or wrong. Selfishness is in moving on, staying true to your course and managing it in a way that is in the end simpler for all. Revenge is a strong and dirty motive. It leads possibly no where. Only only a cynic can be cynical about revenge as well. I cynical about everything. Everything is grey… i see it in forms and structures that are morphing all the time as you take a round of it and see it from different angles. It is so difficult to describe. truth is so difficult to describe. So difficult that the only way to describe truth as i see it is simply to say - I don't know.

Such cynicism helped me abort nationality and religion as my guiding factors. As i was reading more about the killings i came across the work of Viktor Emil Frankl who wrote the book ‘mans search for meaning’. he survived the Nazi holocaust and wrote about it, observing that some survived and some didn’t. Some fought and turned on each other and some retained their compassion in the face of the most adversity that has been unleashed on man.

I quote from a summary i found online

“Although most succumbed in some measure to the general apathy and irritability, there were persons who displayed compassion, comforting others and even giving away their last piece of bread. Frankl suggests that the kind of prisoner one becomes depends on some inner decision, not on environmental conditions alone. There is a last human freedom, available in even the most deprived conditions: the freedom to choose one’s attitude toward one’s suffering”

http://www.enotes.com/topics/mans-search-for-meaning

If suffering is real and an inescapable part of life - I still have my freedom left in me. the freedom to choose what i choose to believe in. that belief is mine alone. So whenever I ruminate on whether I am doing Jispa a favour or a disfavour by not putting religion or nationality in her head, i think i must remember this - I am in essence teaching her to choose her attitude. one that is rooted in her own belief, that come about from a broad range of thought and teachings and experiences. One that is hers alone. Giving her the Freedom to choose her own attitude to the environment is possibly the greatest freedom she could ever get.

So when people ask me - suggest a good book to read. What can I say? Which one book has had an impact on me? Can one book really have that much of an impact? then you are probably reading too few or chasing rainbows or worse still - too dumb to really understand what books are meant to do.

Its not easy to get knowledge or information. Rather its very easy to get it - one just has to be receptive towards it. One has to think about it and take it in all the time. No one book condenses all the world’s knowledge. You need a multitude of them. Here is the parable of Jesus

The Parable of the Sower

4 Again Jesus began to teach by the lake. The crowd that gathered around him was so large that he got into a boat and sat in it out on the lake, while all the people were along the shore at the water’s edge. 2 He taught them many things by parables, and in his teaching said: 3 “Listen! A farmer went out to sow his seed. 4 As he was scattering the seed, some fell along the path, and the birds came and ate it up. 5 Some fell on rocky places, where it did not have much soil. It sprang up quickly, because the soil was shallow. 6 But when the sun came up, the plants were scorched, and they withered because they had no root. 7 Other seed fell among thorns, which grew up and choked the plants, so that they did not bear grain. 8 Still other seed fell on good soil. It came up, grew and produced a crop, some multiplying thirty, some sixty, some a hundred times.”

9 Then Jesus said, “Whoever has ears to hear, let them hear.”

10 When he was alone, the Twelve and the others around him asked him about the parables. 11 He told them, “The secret of the kingdom of God has been given to you. But to those on the outside everything is said in parables 12 so that,

“‘they may be ever seeing but never perceiving,

    and ever hearing but never understanding;

otherwise they might turn and be forgiven!’[a]”

13 Then Jesus said to them, “Don’t you understand this parable? How then will you understand any parable? 14 The farmer sows the word. 15 Some people are like seed along the path, where the word is sown. As soon as they hear it, Satan comes and takes away the word that was sown in them. 16 Others, like seed sown on rocky places, hear the word and at once receive it with joy. 17 But since they have no root, they last only a short time. When trouble or persecution comes because of the word, they quickly fall away. 18 Still others, like seed sown among thorns, hear the word; 19 but the worries of this life, the deceitfulness of wealth and the desires for other things come in and choke the word, making it unfruitful. 20 Others, like seed sown on good soil, hear the word, accept it, and produce a crop—some thirty, some sixty, some a hundred times what was sown.”

I can teach anything, from whatever I know. Sometimes what people just want one interesting book or one interesting thing. then they promptly trow it away. they don't read the book I give them. No one reads. they all pretend or want to… but they don’t. Hence i stopped giving books. If you want knowledge, you have to want it enough to buy it yourself. Some take it, read a book or two or apply that knowledge in some half baked way only to throw it away at the first chance they get. It never did take root in their brains. I have seen this happen the moment i leave a job, the team is broken up and some remember what made the ir work successful and some just simply give it up and let go of the fact that made their thinking clear. It was never rooted. It may have been enthusiastic but never rooted. Only those who took the seed into the soil, nurtured it with their own thinking, asked questions, read more and more, applied it in many places and built their own tree took it to heart. they aske door books to read and decided on reading it themselves or buying other books. they came back with more recommendations and more reading lists of their own. knowledge got spread.

These last people enriched me a lot more than the others. IN way all were enriching because even talking to a rock would help you clear your min, but the others questioned and belief can only be strengthened by erudite questioning. 

In the face of this i wonder why some people don't share as much as they can. Share, only by sharing will you learn, will you be abel to push the boundaries of whats possible and whats not, of your own knowledge and imagination. You will learn from yourself and from your own mind. you also do not know what your mind is capable of and what it stores. After all these books who knew what i would pull out. Only by talking to people and feeling eh environment around me in the wake of the book that i am able to understand what the books are about. What the knowledge is about.

another Jesus quote: “Do you bring in a lamp to put it under a bowl or a bed? Instead, don’t you put it on its stand? For whatever is hidden is meant to be disclosed, and whatever is concealed is meant to be brought out into the open. If anyone has ears to hear, let them hear.”

So give up, get back and try to show some grace. I am trying. I understand it may not be easy to forgive but it is definitely not to tough not to hate.

Bonus: here is President Obama after the Charleston killings singing Grace. Amazing Grace.

A big inspiration for a lot of the work written here on the Charleston killings.

http://time.com/time-magazine-charleston-shooting-cover-story/